Reading several blogs about love lost, about people drifting apart, and a few studies stating that the primary reason women cite in filing for divorce is emotional abandonment, I was struck by a couple of things that made me laugh.
First off, I cannot imagine anything more painful than being trapped in a loveless marriage, in being with somebody and yet feeling so alone and abandoned. I don’t mean to mock that, that is painful stuff. I have felt that, that intense loneliness when you are surrounded by others, and it is the worst feeling ever.
No, what amuses me today is actually the nature of my own self. Perhaps it is an Italian thing, and emotional thing, a passionate thing, but I cannot even imagine some of these scenarios that women speak of. Bit tongue in cheek here, but just the same, these things puzzle me.
We just stopped talking….
How in the world did you ever manage that?? I cannot shut up for two seconds! Even my silent treatment requires a dissertation, a long verbal thesis. “We” stopped talking?? Get me riled up and your participation in the conversation isn’t even required! If you do not wish to provide a response, I’ll just answer for you. You want to get technical about it, your presence may not even be required in order for us to have a proper conversation.
He wouldn’t listen to me…
And you did not bounce tea cups off his head??! Okay, so there’s a slight possibility I was raised by wolves and violence is not the most civilized form of communication, but how does one just politely accept “he wouldn’t listen to me?”
We were like two separate people, just cohabitating together…
Separate? So, no narcissistic tendencies there? You do not perceive others as just an extension of your own self??! True, it does give a whole new meaning to the idea of one flesh, but one cannot become separate from one’s own arm or leg. Psychically, spiritually, somebody’s energy is in your space. So are their things. You did not follow them around tossing their things at their head??
I just quit trying to communicate…
Probably wise. Also rational, logical, reasonable. However, I haven’t got the common sense of gnat. I do not know when to fold them. No retreat, no surrender! Perhaps a pause to regroup….or reload, but a bit like a moray eel, I cannot even imagine quitting. Defeat? Perhaps yours but certainly not mine…
So in today’s politically correct climate, I suppose I’ve just endorsed domestic violence, stalking, co-dependance, narcissism, and obsession. What can I say, those have been effective tools used in the pursuit of love for centuries. So sue me.
One of the most heartbreaking things to read is often from men who were caught by surprise, who did not realize their marriage was ending. Hindsight is 20/20 and when they look back, they can see the signs they did not recognize at the time. They often blame themselves for not seeing it, for not READING HER MIND! Seriously guys, I am extremely perceptive, I can read subtle clues from a mile away, and yet I would have missed many of those signals. Half the time, most of the time, women aren’t even aware of what is going on within our own selves, what we need, what we want. We often cannot even verbalize the problem and simply act instinctively, blindly, emotionally. Stop blaming yourselves, that is breaking my heart. Reading minds is not so easy.
Women have a responsibility in marriage too, to know the nature of their own selves, to attempt to communicate our needs effectively, to make our desires known. Okay, so hopefully not everyone suffers from my flair for the overly dramatic, but men seldom do subtle, they need rather clear and concise feedback.
As to loneliness and emotional abandonment, if one has a strong relationship with God, one is never really alone, one is never emotionally abandoned.
***REPOST FROM 2015