A few years back, life attacked. It was intense, brutal, and profound. I can’t speak of the details on the intertoobz, but the amount of crap that hit our family all at once had me drawing Venn diagrams trying to sort it all out. I can hardly believe all the things that lined up against us all at once and I was actually there. When everything hit, my family’s faith just shattered, completely collapsed, and suddenly our whole house went dark. Hell-house, I started calling it.
I lost my entire support system, my friends, much of my family, and was left just hanging onto the dog. Than he went and died, too. It was a daily battle of trying to deal with impossible things in a house full of people angry at God. My youngest child is still yelling at Him today and hasn’t yet realized that she’s yelling at Somebody, that you can’t simultaneously deny God’s existence while hating on Him. At some point you have to ask yourself, just Who you think you’re actually talking to?
I held up for a couple of years and then I just started making snow angels on the kitchen floor. Eventually I decided to go live at Sea World… because there are fish there. Obviously that sounds a bit crazy, but it was actually a well-reasoned and logical decision. A bit amusing after the fact, but “there are fish there and I have to get to the fish” made complete sense at the time.
So I made it about halfway to Seaworld to see the fish when God suddenly showed up. It defies description, but my car was so filled with His presence and it suddenly smelled of roses, and there was grace, just Amazing Grace, this sense of peace and forgiveness that is so beautiful it makes you want to cry. There’s just nothing in this world to compare it to. So God didn’t say, “there seems to be something wrong with your brain” or “what do you think you’re doing,” He said quite cheerfully, “Let’s go, but I’m going with you.”
Talk about actually being in a state of grace, as in there was no wrong choice, that no matter what I did, I was forgiven before I even did it and He was going to be right there with me. No matter what. Just indescribable grace.
And than He said, “or we can go back and I’ll fix everything, all of it, I’ll make the unbearable bearable. I’ll light the path before you and I’ll show you the way.” We, we can go back, as in you won’t be going back alone.
I trusted Him, I believed Him, I surrendered all my disbelief and just took a leap of faith. God has been true to His word, He has since made the unbearable bearable, He has placed exactly who and what I needed right in my path, and where I could not even see a way out, He has carved a way. He has indeed done the impossible, made the unbearable, bearable, and held my hand each step of the way. God is good that way. Steadfast and so true to His word.
Immediately I could tell something was different, His hand at work instantly and it hasn’t stopped yet. My family doesn’t yet understand, they haven’t yet grasped the implications, they don’t yet realize that God is right here, that He has stepped in and intervened in our lives. I think my husband is starting to see it.
God speaks to everyone differently, some hear Him in music or in the wonder of creation. For some His words come alive in scripture. God communicates with each of us as individuals, in a language we speak, and it is not always a spoken language.
I have to laugh, there are some people in blogger-land who mock me for saying God speaks to me, as if someone who once went to live with the fish is going to be overly concerned about what other people think. I do hear the audible voice of God sometimes and I once went to live with the fish, but those things are a small price to pay for being able to boast fully in Him. God is not only real, He really knows how to take care of His own.
…..but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the LORD. -Jeremiah 9:24