, , , , , ,

I seem to be surrounded by inspirational quotes about lemons and I must speak to the lemons, I must declare that lemons will not save you, no matter how inspirational they sound.

Well, unless one is a scurvy pirate, in which case lemons really will save you. No vitamin C in your body and things can get ugly very quickly. So if you are a scurvy pirate, disregard this post and embrace some lemons before it’s too late.

So first we have the rather trite, “if life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” That’s lovely, but as someone much wiser than me has observed, “if someone else doesn’t come along with some sugar and water, that’s going to be some crappy lemonade.”

Good point.

Than we have the hard-core, big and bad lemon followers, “if life hands you lemons, salt a glass and get some tequila.” Again, someone smarter than me has pointed out that the problem with that is that “demons know how to swim.” Also, as lovely as it is to contemplate wasting away again in Margaritaville,Ā  never in the history of mankind has tequila ever made anyone’s life easier. Tequila actually tends to just make you stupider, so now you’re stupid and being chased by a bunch of half-drunken demons. That’s probably worse than the lemons you began with.

So along comes the kingdom principle of lemons, “if life hands you lemons, cut them up, harvest the seeds and plant a lemon orchard.” I like that very much, that is thinking outside the box, that is embracing the abundance of God. Take what God have given you and plant an orchard. That’s beautiful, I don’t wish to disparage that concept, but if you haven’t got any land or a decent climate where lemons actually grow, your orchard will be pitiful indeed, and probably look more like a pot in a windowsill with a sad and pathetic lemon sprout trying to grow.

Like it or not, there is nothing you can really do with lemons alone. When life hands you lemons it simply sucks…. like lemons. We need to stop trying to make it into something pretty, like “just pull yourself up by your bootstraps” or something. Lemons are lemons, they are sour, they make us pucker, hence the whole idea behind “go suck a lemon.”

I really have no idea what to do with all the lemons. I tend to just put them in a pretty bowl on the coffee table, inhale their fragrance, and stare at them woefully while contemplating the nature of existence. Sometimes I pray someone comes along with some sugar. All I’m really certain of is that lemons will not save you, not unless you are a scurvy pirate.