Rejection is painful every single time, and every form of rejection, too. It just is what it is, it hurts. Something I never really understood until I went on the internet was how very painful rejection can be for men when it comes to relationships. I sometimes speak of women being willow trees, we bend in the wind to survive, but men are more like oak trees, strong in the wind until they suddenly break off and loose branches.
It’s really unfair, love is an emotional thing involving feelings and being vulnerable. In general those two things, feelings and vulnerability, are not men’s strengths. I must have always had some awareness of how painful rejection can be for men, because I was always gentle about it and somewhat horrified watching my own girls be so heartless. Heartless sometimes, I tell ya. I am still always trying to teach them, listen, you need to be gentle, be kind to that guy, be considerate, don’t break his heart. I don’t think girls today understand this very much, how hurtful they can be, how cruel it can look to those of us on the outside looking in.
There’s a good proverb that applies here, 25:28, “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” Walls are boundaries, they are safety and protection, they are how you defend a city. “To rule over your own spirit,” is about self control, taking your own thoughts into captivity, being mindful of what words you speak over yourself and your situation.
Often boys, and men too, will project all these feelings and hopes into a relationship they never really had. They idealize the object of their affection, they hope, they dream. We all do this, girls too, but the key here is to recognize that it isn’t real at that point, it’s just a fantasy, feelings, imagination. When she rejects you or runs off with someone else, those dreams, hopes, must be rewritten. You must speak new words over yourself like, you dodged a bullet, God was looking out for you, she was not the one, there are about 4 billion other fishes in the sea.
I really do believe in the idea of soul mates, but from the perspective of we are all soul mates in a way and there are billions of us out there. God is a God of abundance and plenty, not scarcity. He did not create us one special person and hide them in a sea of billions, He gave us hundreds of thousands of potential soul mates, some we may marry and some who shall simply touch our souls. Regardless, God is never about scarcity, but about richness and abundance, plentiful with His blessings.
I have to go a long, long way back to remember the romantic relationships that didn’t work out for me, but every darn lost love really was for the best. I can see God’s hand on me, I can see what the future brought for these people now, what a relationship with them would have been like. It was nothing like I had imagined or dreamed of. I could have clung to my own fantasies, lamented the loss of something I never had, but I didn’t, I just trusted that Divine Providence had bailed me out of my own foolishness and I let it go. Don’t get me wrong here, I ate a whole lot of chocolate ice cream, wallowed in grief, angst, and woe for days, but than I let it go.
The football captain, the jock who ran off with my best friend and left me stranded at a party, is now married to a woman who is about 300 pounds and is often seen out in public whacking him in the back of the head with her purse. They both look absolutely miserable. I dodged a bullet, that could have been me, that could have been my life. I am chuckling here, but I have to pray for them, because revenge is sweet and the urge to gloat is powerful.
Be mindful of the words you speak over yourself. One more time, “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” Speak kindness over yourself, control your thoughts and feelings.
A guy on the internet wrote, “God hates me, she won’t even look at me,” and it just broke my heart because that’s all wrong, that’s a recipe for needless pain and suffering. God loves each one of us and He is plentiful and abundant in His blessings, but if we cling too hard to what we think we want for ourselves, to our own hopes and dreams, we shut Him out and push Him away, and He cannot bless us with the next great adventure.