Have you ever had one of those days where you start to feel as if the whole world isn’t working properly, as if nothing is coming together, as if everywhere you go you encounter nothing but chaos?
As if you have somehow managed to rent the very fabric of the universe and must now walk through the tattered remnants of complete destruction and seriously malfunctioning humans?
Well, it isn’t really true, no one has the power to poke a hole in the fabric of the universe, but sometimes it does feel as if there might be leak somewhere.
Yesterday was one of those days. It was as if all the humans decided to lose their minds all at once. I hadn’t even left my driveway before someone decided to stop, rev their engine up, and subject me to universal hand signals and hostile mouth movements. I say mouth movements, because although Mr. Right was obviously angry about something, he lacked the courage to actually roll the window down so I could hear what he was saying. I don’t think he was the least bit interested in me, it’s just that this is a small town and I was the only one up and about at the time.
Naturally the time clock at work was down, triggering endless paperwork in triplicate, paperwork I graciously completed in happy fuchsia ink. It was promptly rejected of course, first rule of red tape, it must never be red. Blue or black ink only please. Also, yesterday was not the 22 of February, but red tape also calls for metaphorical date projections, the nearest Friday, the nearest fiscal year, the alleged half month, superimposed upon a quarterly marker of some sort. Maths are us.
Now that it was firmly implanted in my brain that this was indeed, or metaphorically at least, February 22, I than proceeded to do all my charting as if it really were that day. When dealing with actual humans, I am supposed to use the actual date, not the fiscal date. Oops.
Naturally my first client was hot mess of chaos, confusion, and crisis. So was the second. Eventually I arrived at the foodbank, where all the happy spirits had decided to descend. Or perhaps not, because the defiance and irritation level there was downright palpable. No one wanted to stand in line or take a number or wait their turn or do anything but block the walkways and hallways while muttering about how, “no one better try telling me what to do.” One woman actually hissed at me, a bit like a cat, showing teeth and claws. I resisted the urge to just kick her off the porch and be done with it.
Driving back home I actually encountered someone coming towards me in my lane as if this were England or something! There wasn’t much I could do but pull off the road and wait for them to go by. I did attempt to point them back towards their own lane, but they must have just thought I was using the universal hand signal, because they promptly returned the favor.
There are rules in the world, lots and lots of rules, and policies and procedures, and while I dislike most of them myself, some of them do serve a vital purpose in the world. One thing they do is to help the flow of traffic, to keep all the humans moving along, somewhat content. When everyone decides to defy them all, all at once, it just creates complete chaos and confusion.
I realize I have issues, a bit of OCD perhaps, but I really need my human behavior to be a bit tidier. I am unable to process too much chaos and disorder all at once. So, if it is not too much to ask, please mend the hole in the fabric of universe and bring some order back into my world.