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blogging, church, culture, faith, insanitybytes, love, men and women, opinion
Nathan at Science and Faith has written a great post on Men in the church and embracing ones uhm, well… masculinity. I appreciate his words very much.
I’ve never paid much attention to how men might feel about faith or the church, because honestly my life has never given me the luxury to do so. I have been far too busy simply placing my eyes on Godly men and watching how they walk in faith. It’s been a life saver really, ever since I was a child. Somehow Christ has always managed to place someone in my line of vision, someone just walking the walk, someone I needed to just see and draw strength and comfort from.
So, to those who wonder if it matters, to those who doubt their significance, it matters. There are always people watching how you move through the world, people who desperately need your example, people whose very lives can hinge on just seeing Christย within you.
There are some men where I live who are outside of the church, who feel as if having a relationship with Jesus Christ is somehow a feminine thing, as if church is really just for girls, as if real men go hunting or worship in the great outdoors, God’s cathedral as they say, but most of these men really have little or no experience with church at all. I call this the Walton’s syndrome, because several of these men grew up watching the Waltons and what does Father Walton do? Refuse to get involved with the church, claiming to be worshiping in God’s great cathedral outdoors.
It wasn’t until I got on the internet however, that I discovered that there are some men who really do feel as if faith and masculinity can not go together. I think I’ve blogged many times about my struggles with the ‘spherians who run about saying this precise thing. To make matters worse, I’ve born witness to some pretty vile verbal persecution of Christian men, as if they are not masculine, as if faith is not actually about strength and power, protection, provision, the very epitome of healthy and positive masculinity and leadership.
I can’t tell you how false this attack on masculinity is, how annoyed it makes me, so I shall not go there, but that is a particularly offensive thing. Please don’t insult the men folk, some of us do not take kindly to it, and some of us have been so blessed by Godly men in our lives.
Let me tell you, faith is not for the faint of heart! It actually requires great strength within and without, and can take you to places you’ve never been before.
I speak a lot about men, not because women aren’t awesome too, not because we aren’t strong, but because the world really needs men, because when a system is broken, the most effective way to repair it is to look first at the foundation. Men are the foundation, the cornerstones of our culture, our society, even our faith.
TT said:
Reblogged this on 40+/Single/Clueless and commented:
I just had lunch with a man who has had a huge impact on my life. Enjoy a meal with a Christian brother….you might find yourself having fun ๐ Thank you for this post, Ms. Sanity….you’ve got it going on!
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insanitybytes22 said:
Thank you for your kind words and for the reblog. ๐
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Heather Holbrook said:
Awesome! I may show this to my 14-year-old who is becoming a man and wants to follow God. What a great encouragement. I agree wholeheartedly.
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insanitybytes22 said:
How wonderful! Becoming a man and wanting to follow God, those words are music to my ears.
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brianbalke said:
Thanks for being such a great cheerleader, IB. I sometimes say that women nurture and conserve what is good, while men tend to be more in the way of change agents. I am predisposed to believe that many “spherians” have either never received or never been conscious of the value of feminine support. Of course, that comes with social integration that does mitigate against masculine aggression, which may be interpreted as “femininity.” A truly Christian man can’t beat people down – he has to control his ego in order to build people up. Our reward is the kind of gratitude that you express here, and I hope that you will be open to receiving mine in return.
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insanitybytes22 said:
“A truly Christian man canโt beat people down โ he has to control his ego in order to build people up.”
Amen, Brian! That’s a wonderful way to put it. Men as agents of change, indeed. There is such power there, the best kind, and it is so hard to describe. So hard to embrace too, I imagine, but men can really make all the difference in the world.
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Wally Fry said:
IB, I agree with Brian. Thanks for always backing men in the Christian life. It beats the beatings we seem to get sometimes.
This was just the best find ever..wow.
There is a perception that church is for girls out there. And sadly it is true sometimes. You can go in many churches and they are full of women and kids and the men that are there are all beat down. Not blaming this on the women, I promise. These guys could step up and take their place. The problem is, there is nobody to teach them how to do it. Sorry, but a woman really can’t be the best teacher on how to be a Christian man. That really takes…wait for it…another man.
I remember the first time I ever walked in to my church. I was just packed with real guys! Farmers, and mechanics, and people who were…guys. Tough hard guys who you would pick to help in a bar fight. And they love God with all of their hearts. Talk about a life changing event. The Lord knew I needed to see that and put me right in the middle of them.
Anyway, awesome find. I like the way that guy writes.
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insanitybytes22 said:
God is good indeed, Wally! How amazing that he planted you right in that church at just the right time. He must really be fond of you. That’s what I always say when God chases us down and throws us through the door. ๐
Men beat up and worn down, yes, I see a lot of that in the world, but also quite a few standing up in the midst of some undesirable circumstances. I think these are times of testing, for sure. Men really do need other men to show them the way and that is something that women just can’t do. We can however, pour praise and encouragement over them and lift them up in prayer.
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Wally Fry said:
Which really does show just how much men and women need each other to be truly complete doesn’t it IB? There are things we can’t do for ourselves, both men and women. I would not be half the fellow I am if not for my wife. She’s like the biggest cheering section in the world. A cheering section who tells me when I am being a lunkhead, but a cheering section nonetheless.
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dvaal said:
Good for you -bringing this to the spotlight. I’m not a man -so it is something I’ve noticed but not contemplated. Men in church -being leaders of their households are the way to be a real man, a real father, and a child of God.
fiddledeedeebooks.wordpress.com
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Eric said:
I have my doubts that good men today really matter very much to anybody. The people ‘watching you’ tend to be looking more for an opportunity to bring you down than looking up to you as an example. Even though the ‘world needs strong men’ it largely envies and resents that need rather than appreciate it.
I think the reason a lot of men are going away from Church and turning to the ‘Great Cathedral of Nature’ is because out in Nature, they actually have some significance. A man can feel part of Nature, in control of the elements and relying on his own judgements. I think that a lot of men see Church as just another place, like society in general, where they’re just another expendable part of a community that’s largely indifferent to them and any contribution they could make.
Faith and masculinity, however, can go together. The Church, in this sense, is feminine—but in a positive way. When we refer to the ‘Mother Church’ it means an institution that the type of emotional and spiritual support available to men that is unavailable to us in society at large. It’s not an easy thing for men today to hold faith and stay grounded in doing what they believe is right. Society rewards men who do the opposite and treats men of faith and conviction with utter contempt. Men need encouragement today more than ever.
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insanitybytes22 said:
“The people โwatching youโ tend to be looking more for an opportunity to bring you down than looking up to you as an example”
This is so true Eric, but I think it speaks to the significance of men, to how truly important they really are. The enemy only targets those who are strong, those who pose a threat, and nothing poses a greater threat to the darkness of this world than Godly men.
Somebody smart recently said, one drop of blood can set off a feeding frenzy in shark infested waters. Christ’s blood in this case, the blood spilled on the cross. I’ve seen that, the moment a man stands up and does the right thing, the sharks can attack. It’s not an easy walk, that’s for sure, and the world, rather than rewarding such things, will definitely try to tear you down.
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brianbalke said:
Eric:
I know how incredibly difficult and painful this is, but this is just what Jesus meant when he said “Pick up your cross and follow me.” The world is full of people doing unto others as was done unto them, but what I have learned is that deep in their hearts ALL OF THEM are looking for someone to show them how to recover their spiritual wholeness. Jesus did that – he took the place of his people on the cross and showed his all-embracing love even in his suffering, and then ROSE FROM THE DEAD! One strong man who stands in faith and the power of that love can heal an entire community. Be strong! There are angels waiting to rush into the breach that only need one person with the strength to stand firm in loving!
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Eric said:
IB & Brian: What you say has always been true—but today it seems that even the ideals men fought for and suffered injustice for have disappeared. Even if they didn’t practice it, most people probably believed in an ideal of practicing goodness for its own sake. The whole tenor of our culture today seems to be that goodness is to be despised for its own sake.
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insanitybytes22 said:
I often feel that way myself, Eric. Our culture seems determined to reject anything perceived as “goodness.” “These are the times that try men’s souls” as they said in 1776.
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AmyRose๐น said:
I have great admiration for a man who does not hide his faith. I find it both attractive and downright powerfully masculine. Cowards are those men who refuse to embrace the Love of Christ’s Meassage.
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Debbie L said:
I’m so grateful for my Godly, masculine man who drops a tear during some of our prayers! And his dad was his role model. Nothing better to me than to see a MAN worshipping and praising God! Kind of like David or Paul….
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oneta hayes said:
I had a bit of “run around” with a man in the church the other day. After it was over and I came home I realized how absolutely wrong I had been. I was ashamed of myself. I knew nothing to do except apologize. So the next service time when I saw him, I apologized and told him I had been entirely in the wrong. His acceptance of my apology was so gracious, I felt very humbled and accepted. I realize again how very right my God is when one listens to him, then obeys his leading. And I realize again how good, kind, and gracious a man can be. And since I’m mentioning that, I can again be so thankful that this principle applies in my home with my husband also. Good men are all around us. We too often watch the others.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Amen! I love that story! Things always work out so well when we let God lead.
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Citizen Tom said:
Great post! I just thought it depressing in one minor way. Oh my! Here is something else I am expected to know that I don’t. What is a spherian?
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insanitybytes22 said:
LOL! Sorry, Tom. ‘Spherian is short for manospherian, this internet subculture of bloggers, mostly men, some we call the red pills, who explore themes around masculinity, relationships, and sometimes faith. My beef with some of them is usually about their perversion and distortion of Christianity, in which they often present women as the root of all evil and men as sin free. Not all mind you, I hate to paint everyone with the same brush, but many of them have this cultian ideology that is just false and unmistakable.
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Citizen Tom said:
I suppose I should have known, but I don’t want to take the time know some things.
When I see you writing about manospherians, I generally skip that post. I find the subject too irksome.
There is value in those posts, I suppose, but I think any man who thinks it manly to put down women damnably foolish. It disgusts me that any Christian would think it appropriate to abuse his wife, daughters, and sisters.
Of course, men do abuse women. Men have treated women as second class for thousands of years. It is part of our animal nature, both men and women.
Men are born knowing how to dominate women. Women instinctively know how to please and manipulate a domineering man. Yet there is no love in such behavior.
What takes self-discipline, courage, wisdom, prayer, and love is following the example of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
The truly masculine man doesn’t revel in bossing others. A man’s man is a sturdy, rugged soldier. From the lowliest private to a five-star general the most honorable soldier is like the knight who protects his lady. He gives his all for the sake of those he loves.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Amen, Tom! Men can be wonderful, capable of reaching for their higher selves, embracing Christ, and creating some genuine truth and beauty in the world. Naturally there are some lunkheads who struggle there and some who may never get it, but the vast majority have such great worth and value that Christ Himself gave His very life for us. He was the ultimate Knight in deep and profound ways, and it’s really awesome to catch just a glimpse of Jesus Christ reflected within men.
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Wally Fry said:
Tom, that comment just rocked. You want to go kill some bears or something?
๐
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bluebird of bitterness said:
It’s weird and sad how much the church has changed in the last half century, due to the relentless process of chickification. When I was a little kid, the churches my family attended had no trouble at all getting men involved. Half the people at any service were men. Men taught Sunday school, men sang in the choir, and even the young boys sang in junior choir right along with us girls. No one thought that singing in the choir or teaching Sunday School were women’s work. Fast forward fifty years, and almost every church I see (with a very few exceptions) has become hopelessly chickified, to the point where men have no interest in getting involved. Then the women moan and whine and complain about how they have to do all the work, and how much better life would be if only those worthless men would step up to the plate…
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insanitybytes22 said:
Ha! Chickification, I like that term. I honestly have not seen that happening, but than again, I am not everywhere so I wouldn’t know.
I haven’t heard anyone complaining about how the men don’t do enough, not around here anyway, the precise opposite actually. Many of us see how they are over burdened and over whelmed.
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Wally Fry said:
Hey Bluebird
I’m really sorry to hear that. I’m with IB, that’s really out of my experience level. Maybe we are way behind times here, as apparently we are stuck in 1950 still.
If you look up at our choir, sometimes we outnumber the women. We love some singin LOL. And we have several men who actually double up teaching classes because they feel that is their role in our church.
But I also agree I did see that in churches before I came to know Jesus, and It was one of the reason church, and God, turned me off for years and years. Seeing real men serving God was one of the things that helped me allow God to change my heart.
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bluebird of bitterness said:
I’m happy to hear that not all churches have succumbed to chickification. ๐ I knew I was making rather a gross generalization, and of course I’m aware there are exceptions. I guess I’m still stinging from having been forced to leave the church I’d belonged to for more than 35 years, due in large measure to its relentless chickification.
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Wally Fry said:
Well I am sad to hear that happened to you. Have you ever written about that?
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insanitybytes22 said:
Me too Wally, I am sad that happens to people. Conversely, I am really grateful to know I am not the only one who has had churchian mishaps!
I also share Bluebird’s chickification concerns. Women are awesome, amazing, but there’s another side to us too, and when women hold all the power, some of us get crushed in that system. I work for an office filled with women. Ai yi yi. Not trying to be unkind here, just saying, ai yi yi.;)
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Wally Fry said:
No, you are not alone IB. It seems way too common.
LOL. I am so in a time warp. At my work? It’s all guys. All. A lot of the home office people are women, but in the field it’s a testosterone convention.
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