Matt’s a wonderful blogger over at Must Be This Tall To Ride. He’s written a great post called, She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By the Sink. He’s honest, poignant, painful even, but does a great job of always getting to the heart of the matter.
Communication is something that always fascinates me, especially when it comes to men and women. We’re simply different and those differences give life all it’s flavor… or sometimes create a lot of misery and frustration.
I tend to perceive marriage as a miracle, as in you take these two opposite people with wills of their own, put them together and somehow manage to transcend those communication gaps and create love, intimacy, companionship. I’m chuckling here, but on the surface that doesn’t even seem possible. Sometimes it actually seems more like a Divine comedy or a bad joke.
I could write an entire thesis around some of the issues Matt covers in just one post, but the essence of the issue is that men tend to need respect in order to feel loved and women tend to need a sense of control. There is a dance going on within marriage that I sometimes speak of, a push and pull between those two warring forces. To make it work, both people have to soften their desires, their needs, just a bit and with endless patience. When men demand too much respect, king of the castle, arrogance, pride, it leaves no room for her. When women need too much control, we sometimes wind up treating men like children.
I often think of ballroom dancing, which I can hardly do in real life, but the spiritual, philosophical lessons to be found in the nature of dancing are really amazing. Especially the tango. Tango done well is so instinctual and not rehearsed. Generally men lead and women follow, without a clear idea of where they are going to go. Communication is so important because followers have to respond, but leaders have to signal. To really follow well you have to know how to read those signals, but to lead well you have to know your follower’s limitations and abilities.
Something that made me chuckle this morning, a discussion about our schools and what we are doing wrong. We need more biblical values, no we need more math and science, no we need more money!
What we really need is mandatory tango lessons. Yep, call me crazy, but our ability to dance well with one another is what makes the world go round.