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This post is a bit tongue in cheek, but all in good humor here, I am attempting to feign some proper outrage. How come when the Caitlyn Jenners of the world decide to become women, the first thing they make a beeline for is overt sexuality, constant demands for attention, and accolades for their alleged bravery? Also they lean a bit too far towards the brazen makeup, constant superficiality, and  apparent cattyness of women.

I don’t mean to complain here, and yes some of those things are aspects of the less flattering characteristics of women, but how come no one decides to become a woman as defined by genuine femininity? Where are all the sweet gentle spirits that do not give way to fear? How about a bit of quiet service to others, perhaps a sacrificial nature?

All in good humor here, but says absolutely no one ever, “I’ve decided to become a female, to embrace the softness therein, to become a helpmate, an encourager, to work behind the scenes, with quiet courage, vulnerability, and contemplation…”

Now seriously, this rather mediated perception of womanhood is rather offensive and not necessarily true. Why attempt to emulate the darker side of female nature, and reject the more flattering qualities?

Of course it is not just the men wanting to become women who do this, who have this somewhat distorted perception of what is “brave and courageous and feminine,” but some of the women too! Amy Schumer is our latest feminist to dive into the world of bravery and courage, by posing half naked for a Pirelli calendar shoot. It is allegedly about fat acceptance, body image, and feminine bravado. She is being lauded, much like Caitlyn Jenner was, for her courage and bravery.

She’s sitting in her skivvies drinking a cup of coffee! Just for the record I do this nearly everyday and absolutely nobody ever calls me brave. Once my husband said, “you should probably put something on before you go into the front room, the curtains are open.” Well there goes my purple heart for feminine bravery, dashed upon the rocks like all my other broken dreams.

For those who don’t know, Amy Schumer is a feminist comedienne with a big potti mouth. A bit on the curvy side, with some plumpness about her, but still a pretty young thing, blond, and somewhat attractive. Fortunately, her posing half nude has nothing what so ever about wanting to be seen before men, allegedly a deeply shameful thing according to feminist thought…..a thing men must be endlessly punished for. “Hey, hey, look at me! Just because I’m sitting here half naked in my skivvies does not give you the right to look! Stop looking at me! Hey, eyes on the picture here buddy, there is nothing sexual about me, got it??”

Ye, cats. That reveals such sexual confusion and transference I hardly know where to start. I suppose I should mention that Amy Schumer, while protesting loudly about men objectifying women and shaming them for obsessing over our physical appearance, has never actually dated a somewhat slumpy, nerdy guy, that is not the epitome of Hollywood masculine perfection. Just saying. I know this because darn near every photo shoot of her dating life available in all the best gossip mags, seems to indicate she has a very specific type that can only be referred to as the epitome of masculine physical perfection.

So apparently good looks matter a great deal to Amy Schumer. She however, does not wish to be held to the same standard. Nor does she want to admit that she makes her living by standing in front of a crowd, by seeking the attention of men, by being endlessly photographed and obsessed over. I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with that, it’s just that “stop looking at me sitting here half naked,  I’m only doing this to raise awareness about how awful it is that men objectify women,” is not a convincing argument.

Of course, most of the paradoxes within feminism are not convincing arguments at all….

Biology simply is what it is. Women seek to be seen before men and men seek to see. Women wish to be delighted in and men wish to delight in. This is not shameful or wrong, this is not a social justice campaign, this is one of life’s great blessings. Embrace it and enjoy it, but be respectful.

Oh yeah, and Schumer? The fact that you’ve allegedly dated so many of the Hollywood handsomes, does seem to indicate that men are not nearly as hung up on body image as you are. Soften your heart as much as you’ve softened your middle, and you just might land a good one.