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tinkerbellSo, Tomassi of Rational Male fame who does not believe in love, also tells me, “There is no such thing as contentment, and happiness isn’t durable.” Now is that not the saddest thing you have ever heard? Seriously heartbreaking, dude.

I believe in all kinds of impossible things, love, romance, idealism, marriage, redemption, mercy, Christ. Life is hard, I get that, and there is great suffering in the world. I come from some pretty dark places myself and yet I truly do suffer from “durable happiness.”

There are some moments of anxiety, distress, frustration, but for the most part I am genuinely happy, all of the time. Gratitude is big part of it, a recognition that we are entitled to nothing and therefore every single thing becomes a blessing, a gift. Thank you for another day, another breath, where even the misery and the angst of it all are a gift. Heck, sometimes the misery and angst is the best part of all! That is where all our great poetry is born and our love songs are written.

That misery, that angst, that is actually a choice too, how much I chose to suffer, to care, to feel, is entirely up to me. You realize that when your ability to care and feel gets shut down. We truly do control the horizontal and the vertical. If you don’t like what you’re seeing, change the channel. Or perhaps you do like what you’re seeing, in which case, carry on. Another little secret, there’s usually a pay off happening when we suffer, something we’re getting out of the deal, often tangled up in layers of deception, but it’s there.

As somebody smart recently said, “Nobody gets under your skin unless you want them there.” So true.

I am happy because I believe in impossible things, in fairy tales and romance and love. Not the sugar coated versions, not the Disneyesque, Hallmark card versions of those things, but in the real deal. Read the old fairytales, the originals, the old romance novels, before everything became cheap and shallow.Read the bible, that’s the greatest love story ever told.

Love is a real thing in the world and faith, well faith is not just magical thinking and false hopes and dreams. “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Substance. Evidence.

green eyedFaith is a tangible thing, it has a substance, it is based on evidence. It does however, require one to believe. I come from dark places, I do not believe easily. I have very jaded, cynical eyes. I am more likely to believe in Murphy’s Law, than I am to believe in anything going right. God has never been impressed with my jaded eyes, however. I get no badge of honor for allegedly being brave enough to perceive the world as it really “is.” Bit of wry humor here, but as if I am even qualified to perceive the world as it “really” is! Perception is not reality, sorry. We tend to perceive the world based on our own experiences and biases.

I have seen some amazing things. Christ can take a heroin addict, shake him out, and build a beautiful romance. He can take a bitter ex-spouse and soften their heart and rewrite the whole story. He can pull children off the streets and out of prostitution. He can suddenly give a young guy who has never had a break in his entire life, a good job. Christ can start businesses, He can create relationships, and He can heal broken hearts.

He can take a little bit of collateral damage like me and deliver white picket fences, love, family, romance. He can take an ordinary life and create a fairy tale. True, in my case the fairy tale is a bit bent, hubby backed over our white picket fence, and the love is sometimes a bit rough around the edges, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It is a love story written just for me and it is very real.

My life is the epitome of “durable happiness” and it is not based so much on who I am or on the choices I’ve made, but rather who He is, what He did for us, and how He knows the secret desires of our heart.

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