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Violet has an atheist post up called, “Two Types of Christian” and needing some good blog fodder, I decided to snag her words and respond to some of her declarations.

“One Christian wants a god who judges, and the other wants a god who loves.”

I want both. I want a God who loves but also a God who judges, but only the bad people, Violet. Mean people suck and I see no reason why God shouldn’t judge them if He so chooses. Also it is very kind for so many people to volunteer to be the Bad Guys, because when God is looking at y’all, He is not looking at me…. Just kidding.

“One Christian salivates over arbitrary rules and cruel punishments, and the other seeks logical guidance and compassionate understanding.”

I promise, I only salivate over arbitrary rules and cruel punishments for the bad people, Violet, those I keep down in the basement for my personal amusement.

“One Christian obsesses about human failings and the other believes their god knows best.”

Well, some of us can actually multi-task.  I tend to obsess about human failings while also believing that God knows best.

“One Christian places humans at the supreme pinnacle of a hierarchical creation, the other views humans as a working part of a wonderful whole.”

Hmm, that is actually a tricky one, as it is yet another paradox. We are both the pinnacle of a hierarchical creation and a working part of a wonderful whole. We are separate but equal, interconnected but individual. Grapes on a vine. Are we talking about our place in the entire universe, our relationship to matter, energy, the spiritual and physical realm? Better go ask a physicist, Violet, I can barely handle our place in the biological realm.

“One Christian thinks men are superior to women, and the other thinks every individual regardless of sex or gender has unique characteristics to offer in any situation.”

Deliciously, deliciously inferior, Violet! Especially when it comes time to pump the septic tank or clean the gutters. Have you never heard of Tom Sawyer? He got to sit back and watch his fence get painted by the Superior Ones. Call me lazy, but “I am equal and just as capable of painting a fence as you are,” are simply the words of a complete moron. What does one get out of that deal, pride??

“One Christian fears change and difference, and the other celebrates diversity and progress in humankind.”

God created diversity. No two flowers are alike, no two snowflakes, no two fingerprints. One might even say, God invented diversity. Progress actually seeks to erase diversity because we will never look favorably on what we perceive as “flawed,” and instead always strive to create what we perceive to be equal, “equal” simply meaning, precisely like what we perceive to be superior and dominant. Ask Margaret Sanger.

“One Christian thinks dogs disappear when they die, and the other believes their afterlife is for all our animal friends.”

LOL! Now that one is funny and always gets me into a great deal of trouble. Here is the deal, God loves you and wants you to trust him with your after life, just like we do with our physical lives. If it comforts people to believe Fluffy will be waiting for them, than by all means wrap yourself in that love! Just trust that God loves you more than you can imagine, that he has your best interests at heart, that He knows you better than you know your own self, and that He has prepared a place for you. Don’t tell yourself over and over again, “Well if Fluffy can’t go to heaven, then I’m not going either,” because that is just plain silly.

Some of us like to discuss issues outside the realm of the personal, beyond the aspect of what feels good individually, and in the greater context of the world at large. No, I do not believe humans and animals are equal nor do I believe animals actually possess human souls. I am sorry if that offends some people. In the context of culture and politics we are already beginning to see why this truth may be important.

“All Christians are surely deluded, but some have a nicer delusion than others.”

Ah, isn’t that sweet. Some of us crazy people suffer more pleasant delusions than others! All in good fun here, but if you aren’t deluded Violet, why in the heck not?? Sanity is such a silly thing to cling so fiercely to. Embrace Christ, He’ll soon have you rejoicing in the midst of the asylum and singing songs to the clowns running the place.

In all seriousness however, as far as I know there is only one kind of Christian, people who believe in Christ, people who have asked him into their heart, people who have received forgiveness for sins and redemption, and gone on to build a relationship with Him. There are many different personality types, people with different strengths and weaknesses, and we all speak of God in a language and style we understand best, but beyond that we’re all pretty much on the same page. The conflicts and debates one may encounter have far more to do with politics, culture, and personalities, than any core set of biblical beliefs. Ironically what is often at the root of those discussions is a debate over how best to love one another.