Facebook has apparently decided to tweak their extremely sexist icons allegedly full of micro-aggression and hidden misogyny. Apparently the little female icon suffers from both helmet hair and a huge chip on her shoulder. The “chip on her shoulder” appears to have been caused by the male icon’s shoulders being too broad. As everyone knows, here is nothing worse than a man with broad shoulders, six-pack abs, long legs, thick eyelashes……wait, what was I talking about??….Oh yes, facebook icons! I suspect this broad shoulder issue has something to do with manspreading, another rather unpleasant First World Problem that puts a huge burden on women. So, the little female icon has now been placed in her rightful position, in front of the man, and he now gets to have a chip on his shoulder, on account of the fact that his shoulder has now been carved away to accommodate hers.
Some of you may be dozing off at this point, but I am about to get to the best part, the really critical thing that makes the entire world go around, women’s hair. Women’s hair is nothing to sneeze at, it tells you everything you need to know about the world around you. Okay, so helmet head with the chip on her shoulder has always had a Darth Vadar hairdo which many nerds found quite appealing, but some believed our little femme icon needed to have her hair “liberated,” so it has been fluffed up and lengthened a bit, annoying many Lego fans. Do not underestimate the seriousness of this debate, a few people suggested she should have pigtails which led to
a great discussion childish food fight over infantalizing women with chips on their shoulders. Some of us who have no lives and are therefore compelled to sexualize our little computer icons, wanted more of a tusseled look, a bit of bedroom hair, if you will. These people frighten me a bit, but on the other hand, I am grateful they are trying to have sexual relationships with facebook icons rather than actual people, so it’s all good.
Next in Teh Stupid, Ariana Grande has been caught licking people donuts. Some may wonder what an Ariana Grande is, well she is a 22 yr old diva, a pop star apparently, one in a long series of bubble heads we for some reason look up to as the great keepers of culture, morality, and social justice. For some odd reason, in the Western world money and fame is perceived as a kind of credential, not unlike having a PhD. This does present some challenges, like when we turn to the very young and stupid for advice about the world around us and discover they are really just spending all their time licking donuts and putting them back on the tray. Okay, licking people’s donuts is disgusting, but in the process, Ariana also let slip that she hated America. Some people found it annoying that a well off and entitled diva who owes her success to the country she lives in, would be talking smack about us behind our backs and licking our donuts. When called out on her stupid, she issued the dumbest of all apologies, attempting to excuse herself by claiming she is just a healthy eating advocate and is disgusted by obesity rates in America. She didn’t really mean she hates America, she actually just meant she hates fat America, proving once again that money, fame, and opportunity still can not buy class, good manners or common sense.