In response to my recent Dalrock post SunshineThiry has posted a response, somewhat supportive of Dalrock. Thanks for the link back. Thanks too, for addressing my concerns. All in good humor here, but what started out as a blog comment has now become an entire post.
These are harsh truths here, but I know of no other way to make my point, except to speak plainly. The fact of the matter is that we all have a choice about what we focus on and what we immerse ourselves in has a way of becoming our reality. That is not always such a good thing. There may well be a pastor somewhere who has bashed fathers, but is that the truth about “the church?” Is that the message of Christ? Is that the kind of thing we are supposed to place our eyes on or are we to keep our eyes on Him?
For example, I could speak to you of the pastor who gave 3 members of his congregation aids while preaching every Sunday about sluts and whores and the sins of Eve. I could rant on endlessly about lectures from the pulpit about submission, about the endless sins of women…..from a man who was discovered to have impregnated his own 13 year old daughter. Many women can and do speak of these things and many women are “right.” I could link you to atrocious stories about unwed mother’s homes operated in the name of Christ and the graves discovered out back or the bodies of infants found thrown in a cistern.
Like it or not, sexual sin and the conflicts between men and women have been going for centuries, have permeated the church, and have driven not only women away from faith, but also driven away the men who care about us, too. “The church” is currently being rejected in many quarters and it is not an altogether unjustified thing. “The church,” has brought many of these issues down upon their own head.
God bless the Catholic church for finally addressing the sexual abuse of boys by priests, the secular world would do well to follow suit, because they have a problem so vast it’s likely it exceeds the priest scandal. Just the same, how many years has this being going on, how many victims were left to feel the pain alone, questioning their own faith, doubting the church, feeling betrayed, not heard, intimately acquainted with hypocrisy?
I could focus on these things but it’s an ugly and horrific reality that in no way honors Christ, instead it creates contempt, it promotes bitterness and resentment, and it encourages blame, shame, and prideful attacks on men. This is what Dalrock does too, but he does it in reverse, he encourages bitterness and resentment towards women, not healing. There are men there that speak of pouring their hatred out, who speak of welcoming ISIS when they take over the US and start chopping our heads off, who laugh and celebrate a woman having her eyes gouged out by a thug she fell in love with. That is simply ugliness and hatred, revenge fantasies, all allegedly justified under the guise of Christ’s name. It literally makes me sick to my stomach.
I have all the empathy in the world for men, but what many of those red pills engage in is not dominance, but rather destruction, it is not a celebration of masculinity, but rather a promotion of endless bitterness and a revenge based theology. It is not love, it is not forgiveness, and it is not even good theology. By their fruits you shall know them. Their fruits are flat out rotten. I make no bones about that. Wolves in sheeps clothing or rather wounded lambs all puffed up with human pride and shame. If I believed for one moment that that was the authentic nature of men, or the nature of Christ for that matter, I’d reject both and become a raging feminist and an atheist. Many have done exactly that, for that precise reason, but their own rebellion is only one piece of the puzzle, often what they are responding to are personal experiences with men’s hypocrisy, sexual sin, and relentless shaming from the pulpit.
You know what I tell those women? The same precise words I speak now to Dalrock. Suck it up buttercup, keep your eyes on Christ, and pull some of the world’s beauty towards yourself. Wallowing in endless bitterness, celebrating victimhood, and promoting contempt for others is not what Christ taught. He comes to bring healing and redemption to sinners.
As Christians we are called not to look to the world for validation of who and what we are, but to look towards Christ Himself and to focus on what He teaches us. We are to forgive, we are to lead the way, we are to show the world who and what Christ is all about.
I am not a feminist, but I do have enough of a background there to have my eyes wide open and I have seen enough of the brokeness of the world to be a realist. I actually love men, but I do not idealize them nor do I idealize women. I see the truth of who and what we are quite clearly, and the horrors we are both capable of inflicting on each other. I have seen and once seen you do not forget. Forgiveness however and loving people flaws and all, that is what we are called to do.
Some people complain about how I don’t empathize with men. That is total hogwash. Also somewhat funny because I have so many posts here praising men, my husband has actually raised his eyebrows a few times. I empathize with men a great deal. Not only that, but I truly do see much of what men experience in the world. Love however, is not always about praising people for their perceived feelings of persecution, often it is about saying suck it up buttercup, or walk it off, if you prefer. Regardless, we do no one any favors by allowing them to remain trapped in their own wounding, seeking like-mindedness with others. Misery sure does love it’s own company, but that is a fool’s errand.
The red pills, especially the Christian ones, frustrate me no end, because they interfere with what I want to do. What I truly enjoy is speaking about the joys of marriage, about submission, about faith and love, about how scripture can lead us to a place of healing and reconciliation. About love…
Many times I have wanted to support and encourage women in marriage especially, talk about femininity, about some of the scriptural ideas around submission, not as an idea that is forced upon you, but as a gift of gentleness, encouragment, and softness that we can give to ourselves and to our husbands. That marital relationship then becomes a reflection of Christ’s relationship with the church, it begins to mirror the precise intimacy we can find with our Creator Himself. Submission is not weak surrender before men, it is the powerful strength of Christ reflected in our lives.
But then I read the words of those so called Christian men who are filled with nothing but bitterness and rage, outright contempt and hatred for women. Horrific and ugly words advocating violence. Suddenly I don’t want to talk about submission and gentleness anymore, I want to bake you all batch of brownies packed with horse laxatives and celebrate my second amendment rights. Oh, and speak to me of sweet gentle spirits and I’ll speak to you about another side of women that Christ also knows well, the fury of a righteously angry and contentious woman, powerful enough to send men fleeing into the wilderness. Women are not just sweet and gentle spirits, we are also fierce warriors, and when strengthened by Christ and His Word, we are a force to be reckoned with, indeed. Step between us and our young if you doubt.
I can take all these insults, all these references to sluts and whores, all these accusations about Jezebels, all the garbage about how I serve the father of all lies and still remain strong in my faith, because I know fools when I see them, but others cannot. Others are actually driven away from Christ because of prideful words designed to wound, words from so called Christian men. Words directed towards me for crying out loud. By their fruits people, if your fruits are ugly there is something wrong with you.
Do pastors tear down men? Well, if a pastor ever encountered a red pillian talking about how he feels “called to pour his hatred out upon women,” I would certainly hope so! Would the same not be true if a woman said those things? One of the most grievous things to witness are all those ugly words sitting in those threads unchallenged by other Christians, or worst, encouraged and supported. Maybe there really are some people in the world who really do need to be confronted and “torn down.”
Do I shame men when I speak of these things? No. I cannot shame anyone who truly walks with Christ. There’s a secret there that some apparently do not understand, those who walk in humility cannot be shamed. Where there is no wounded pride, there can be no shame. I am not shamed by some rather hostile and vicious words directed my way because I set my shame at the foot of the cross long ago.
One last dirty little secret, women can pour out all the love and encouragment a human being can possibly offer and it will still not be enough to reach a wounded and broken man walled off by pride. Many women have actually died trying. Yes, it’s pretty stupid, but it’s also evidence that women have a great deal of love for men.
The truth of the matter is that if you want to see those sweet and gentle spirits, then you have to provide the safety, protection, and love that makes submission possible. Women exist in direct symbiosis with men. I can talk myself blue in the face about submission and marriage, but without men stepping up and stepping into those shoes, all you’ve got is half an equation that cannot be solved.
Women surrender to Christ, He empowers us to have soft and gentle hearts, which enables us to truly love men. Perfect love casts out fear, it does not promote it.