“There’s no love for a poor man,” ahhh, now there’s a Google search term that just broke my heart. It isn’t true, you know, there is lots of love for a poor man, poor in riches, but well off in spirit. I married such a man, on purpose, and it was the best decision I ever made. He has a good heart and soul, comes from a large family, and built himself a business that has always kept food on the table and the lights on. How can I not admire such a man? He’s made something out of nothing. Besides having raised four kids, we’ve taken trips, gone camping, bought a house, had some great fun and good memories.
One of the best things about my job is that I get to work with a lot of widows and widowers and they tell me the most beautiful love stories, the stuff of fairy tales and romance novels, and yet very raw and real. They speak to me of how “he didn’t have two sticks to rub together” not “two nickles to his name” and yet they knew he was the one. They tell me tales about the Great Depression and WW2 and how they started with nothing, how poor they were, how they put their babies to sleep in dresser drawers.
The men tell me about having spied the most beautiful creature they had ever seen, about being scared and yet being hopeful. Some who never doubted for a moment that she would love them back, and some who doubted so much they rubbed their eyes every morning wondering if she was for real.
In hospice work they like to give you helpful handouts designed to comfort those in the grieving process with some useful “facts.” One such fact is that when you lose your wife or husband you tend to idolize and idealize them. A woman in her 90’s with the language of a sailor, told me that was a bunch of hooey. “I worshipped the ground he walked on while he was alive,” she said. “It’s only now, for the first time in my life I’m angry with him because he left me.” Painful stuff, but bittersweet, too. We have a great capacity to love.
That search term got to me because I know how important it is for many men to provide, to have a sense of self-worth that comes from their work. I see the toll a bad economy and limited opportunities take on men. Yes, women suffer too, but there is just something so innate to men that makes their work important to them. It goes farther than simple provision, it becomes a part of their identity, how they define themselves, their sense of self-worth and value. Pride, the good kind, often comes from having work you enjoy and being employed.
Times are changing and in spite of all the hype, the economy is not doing so well. Businesses are collapsing, people are being laid off. It is tough out there and there is collateral damage strewn about all over the place. We in the current age do not have the same economic opportunities all my widows and widowers had. It is far more challenging for us even earn a living let alone to rise up from poverty and create what our parents or grandparents did.
We are not our wealth or our work. We are not even our ability to produce and provide, we are so much more and we are all greatly loved. These are hard times that call for many of us to become rich in spirit, to store our treasures up in heaven. Traditionally men have often gotten their identity, their value, through their ability to provide and to provide as lavishly as possible. That is The World however, the materialistic way we learn to define ourselves. That is not who and what we are, that is not what God sees in us.
Now here’s something that men could actually learn from women, “work” is not always about money, work is about what we do and who we are and how we love.
It’s a serious issue, lots of suicides out there, financial stress breaking up families, young men feeling lost and unsure what their role is supposed to be. Be gentle with yourselves and oddly, look to your mothers and grand mothers. They are the one’s that understood that “work” is not always about money and that being “poor” does not have to mean being poor in spirit.
So, there’s no love for a poor man, yes, yes there is. All those great romantic stories I am so blessed to hear, all those long and happy marriages, began with a poor man who was greatly loved.
Prajakta said:
Oh this was a good one! In India, it is like a market place. Man must have good earning capacity. Woman must be a great cook and so on… So many great love stories die because the not all the “checks” on the list are met. I am glad you have come across those magical ones!
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insanitybytes22 said:
Ah yes, it is like a market place here too, but that is mostly on television and in pop culture. In real life, many people are actually just working class folks marrying for love 😉
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Tricia said:
I really enjoyed this post as you touched on so many important issues. The economy is bad as you say but the deeper tragedy of lost identity through no work is the real story and it’s good you are pointing this out.
Oh I so share your sentiments about the older generation and their views on love and work! I hope some of those values are being carried on by younger generations but living here in Southern California, land of the shallow and materialistic, I’m just seeing it.
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Tricia said:
Meant to say, just NOT seeing it.
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auroraroschen said:
Beautiful.
When my parents got married, they were dirt poor. To fix my mom’s car, they went to a junk yard and sawed a muffler off an old car and duct taped it to my mom’s car. Going through those seasons of financial struggle made their marriage stronger and sweeter.
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Eric said:
Good post. But the problem with modern women is that typically choose men who are both poor AND lacking in character.
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Eric said:
OT, but a good article on the Gamer Cult:
https://empathological.wordpress.com/2015/06/07/game-a-philippians-44-7-refutation/
This shows that more and more Christian men are starting to wake up to this stuff.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Thank you Eric, appreciate the link. That post makes several good points.
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2015chronicles said:
Great post and so true on all points.
Shine On
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Kate Minter said:
Very touching. Poverty can be a blessing in a way as it can make a couple strong together and keep them focused on each other. A lot of temptation comes with wealth. It takes a lot of character to “meet with Triumph and Disaster/ and treat those two imposters just the same.”
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Denine Taylor said:
Beautiful as always!
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sophiaschildren said:
This is a beautiful post, and it definitely is a serious issue. It’s also a good reminder about valuing what’s actually valuable. Thank you for sharing it.
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sophiaschildren said:
Reblogged this on Sophia's Children and commented:
A really beautiful post about valuing what’s actually valuable, which has gotten a bit lost in the consumption-oriented, materialistic culture.
So it was lovely to read this heartful reminder. Enjoy.
Big Love,
Jamie
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insanitybytes22 said:
Thank you for the reblog, much appreciated.
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Through the Looking Glass said:
Your writing filled me with so much hope. Thank you so much writing such a wonderful post. I think that sometimes while running the rat race we forget that the love that we only glimpse in fairytales, actually exists. It’s there right in front of us but more so within us. We just have to believe.
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silenceofmind said:
My parents also grew up during the Great Depression.
My dad`s family didn`t have a flush toilet until my dad was 18 years old (WWII was just getting under way.
One of my dad`s brothers served in the US Army during WWII during which, he crawled on his belly all the way from Normandy to the Elbe River where US forces moving east, met Soviet forces moving west.
Clearly, today, in most cases, poverty is caused by a poor set of values, not Oil Can Harry, Thurston Howell III or some other hallucinated version of the eeeevil White Man.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Interesting, Silence. I agree with you in some ways, “poverty” has been caused by a poor set of values rather then these imaginary boogeymen like corporations or capitalism. However, those “poor values” have also been inherited from parents and life circumstances, adding a bit of complexity to the issue. The sins of the fathers really are passed down to the children sometimes. Also, our perceptions of “poverty,” have changed greatly and now seem to include indoor plumbing, cable TV, and a dishwasher.
That however, is changing. We are entering a new phase where you make all the right choices, do all the right things, and fail anyway. Because we have so long subscribed to the idea that if you just work hard and do right you will reap the fruits of those labors, the reality of the world we’re finding ourselves in, is going to be a rude awakening for many. So while I agree with what you are saying, we need to quickly separate morality from poverty, wealth from worth, and redefine our perceptions of what it truly means to be “poor.” It is quickly becoming an adapt or die kind of situation and people need to be aware of that, need to recognize that there are things happening beyond their control. The economic environment is changing dramatically and we are all still operating on an old paradigm.
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Martina Ramsauer said:
First of all I would like to thank you for this interesting topic. I think that poverty or richness depends very much on the single person and on where he lives. I live in a rich country but there are so many young people who do not have any passion (love) in things they could learn at school and rather watch some unimportant videos.This is being poor for me! Whereas I have seen in so called poor country where young people have a great joy (love) to just get a pen with which to write. I wish you all a day full of love.:)
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CindyW. said:
I came to this post from Sophia’s Children, to which I was linked by another blogger. Just lovely. You spoke the words of my heart! I was the child of two Depression people and loved them very much, then I married later in life a man who was a “failure” by the world’s standards but an incredible soul in so many other ways – I am his widow and like the widows & widowers you describe. I am printing this off to remind me when I get down on myself compared to other women around me (or men – as you say it can be both sexes who do this devaluing). And thank you for not living in denial about the current state of the economy – there again, most affluent people who live around me go around with blinkers and earmuffs on…
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insanitybytes22 said:
Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your story. It’s much appreciated.
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