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My biological clock is freaking me out, not mine this woman, Erin’s. The only thing that freaks me out about my biological clock is if someone were to find a way to rewind it. Now that is the stuff of nightmares. A doctor recently told me, you could conceivably have another child and I thought, you could conceivably become the bad smell coming from my attic too, but we don’t need to address every possible hypothetical here, do we?

So Erin’s post has annoyed me and feeling rather cranky today, I must lament the matter. How bloody stupid do you have to be?? I mean, seriously! Our ancestors managed to figure out how to reproduce without sex education, government reproductive policies, or an entire institution called feminist academia.

Also, talk about First World Problems of your own making! Woe is me, people in the world are starving, getting torn apart from war, and I’m horribly oppressed by my own inability to figure out how to have a baby. Wahhhh…..

Now genuine fertility problems are one thing, but I’m so smart and edjumacated I’ve managed to think and reason my reproductive choices into a corner, not so much.

I should cut the poor woman some slack, she acknowledges that she doesn’t just want to have a baby, she wants to have a husband to have a baby with, too. The problem is she wants a husband entirely on her terms and the guy is really nothing more than a fashion accessory, a handbag that is going to accessorize her baby making adventures.

I think what ticks me off about this woman is how self-absorbed she is. She declares herself to always have been pro-choice, but now that it doesn’t benefit me and I’m actually discussing getting pregnant on “accident,” I’m not so pro-choice anymore. What is this, like some sort of subjective morality? Why yes, yes it is. My own values and desires have now shifted so morality just magically shifts, too. Yeah, that little pro-choice thing, never mind, I want a baby now. What was once just a meaningless clump of cells, is now my future baby. Mine!

Also, how does one accidentally-deliberately get oneself pregnant in the hopes that some man will feel trapped to marry you and is that even ethical? No, no of course it is not, hence her hesitation. Of course, that’s what her own mother “had” to do.

She goes on to say, “I feel like a bad feminist, like a baby-crazed lunatic for even thinking that falling in love and having a family is what I want instead of having a powerful career, inner peace or what have you.”

I am filled with empathy. No, no I am not. I am actually filled with memories and twinges of resentment over all the things my fem friends used to say to me when I decided I wanted to be a wife and mother.

“That’s for women who have nothing valuable to contribute to the world!”

“Well, if that’s all you think you’re worth.”

“Why are you throwing your life away?”

“What a waste.”

“All I can say is, I hope the sex is worth it.”

Okay, that last one makes me laugh. It’s been many years, but a woman I once called a friend actually said that to me. She met my husband, completely nixed him, and then implied I was incapable of reason, a sell out to my own sexual desires which had obviously clouded my brain. It was rather hurtful at the time, but today I embrace it with good humor. Yes, I married for sex. Yes, it was worth it! Also, the fuzzy dice hanging from the rear view mirror simply enchanted me. What can I say, I am a vain and shallow creature.

Said friend went on to marry a man herself, then decided she was a lesbian and divorced him. Then ten years later started dating men again. Apparently knowing my own heart was a very shameful thing.

There’s been a frolicking internet debate over evolution, evo/psych theories, and the movie Idiocracy was mentioned. In the movie all the smart and edjumacated people stop having babies because they are so busy calculating cost effectiveness and proper timing. They edit themselves right out of the reproductive equation entirely and only the “stupid” people keep making babies, creating a world composed entirely of stupid people. It’s a somewhat humorous piece of sci/fi.

Now, I really don’t subscribe to theories of evolution or survival of the fittest or assorted pop science nonsense like evo/psych, but using my imagination here, what if the wealthy, successful, edjumacated people where actually the least fit? What if they were really the ones mother nature was editing out of the equation? What if those of us in the trailer park were actually the fit, smart, and adaptive ones?

What of our entire perceptions of reality were wrong? What if our materialistic Western values and endless emphasis on intellectualism and stuff, were actually a de-evolution?? What if those we perceive to be the elite, the fit, the best that humanity has to offer, are actually a bizarre genetic fluke about to get kicked out of the gene pool? Of course in order to believe this we also have to believe there is no Lifeguard on duty.

What if those of us who really took those words to heart, “He which made them at the beginning made them male and female……Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth,” what if we accidentally stumbled into a plan for human beings vastly superior to our own attempted designs? What if those words were actually given to us as a guidebook to happiness and fulfillment? What if the One who made us, knowing our nature, knowing how we will feel towards the middle of our lives, the end of our lives, handed us a recipe designed to bring us the most contentment and peace?

What if our silly brains and relentless quest for intelligence was actually a disability, a genetic defect that causes us to create problems for ourselves that don’t even exist?? What if the “stupid” people are actually vastly superior to us??

I say this all in good humor because I am one, one of those intelligent people more than capable of thinking myself right into the corner. A corner God has frequently placed me in so I will discover the error of my ways.

Thank God, because if not for that constant intervention, I would be in the middle of my life, surrounded by a dozen cats, explaining to everyone how gender is only a social construct while bemoaning my inability to reproduce. Seriously Erin, but for the grace of God, there go I.

By the way, how come sexual orientation is written in stone, something you are born with, while gender itself is something so fluid you get to choose??

Never mind, I hear the corner calling me again.