Kindness is mandatory, at least from a Christian perspective. As one of my favorite Christian bloggers pointed out, love is a commandment, not an option. It’s not a suggestion, an option, or an ideal. It’s the greatest commandment of all, love one another. One way love takes form is through kindness, basic courtesy, how we treat other humans.
This is actually not such a simple thing. I’ll go so far as to say it may be one of the most challenging things one is called to do. A bit of wry humor here, but I remember when God pointed out that to love Christ means to also love His people. I thought, you have got to be kidding me! Have you met the people, Lord? Do you have any idea what they are like??
When they aren’t outright trying to pick pieces of flesh off what’s left of your carcass, they’re cutting you off in traffic, stealing your stuff, trying to project their own issues onto you. Dealing with people is not for the faint of heart, ask anybody who has worked in retail sales. People who work with the general public should get hazard pay.
A whole lot of people are not very loveable. I don’t want to try to be kind to many of them, I want to flee in terror. Just back away slowly and leave them to their misery. You have to just walk away sometimes, but in general we really are called to love one another, even the unloveable.
Someone sent me a really good question, how do you honor somebody you don’t respect anymore? It was about a spouse. Such a good question and really profoundly difficult. The answer is, you don’t. The opposite of respect is usually contempt. If you hold somebody in contempt, attempting to honor them is nearly impossible. If you’re looking at somebody with resentment and hostility, nothing in your heart is going to lead you anywhere near love and honor.
There is good news, however. You can work on forgiveness, build some empathy, try to relate to someone’s higher self rather than their behavior. Try to perceive them as God sees them, as their potential, as who they were intended to be. God sees each one of us through Christ’s eyes, as someone so loved and treasured we were worth dying for.
If there are big issues like violence or addiction or abuse, sometimes you just have to walk away. You have worth and value too, and no one is called to sacrifice their own selves trying to save someone else. Christ already did that, He laid down His life so that all would have salvation. People already have access to a Savior, you need not martyr yourself for someone else.
From the question however, I did not get that impression. I got the impression of resentment and contempt, the challenge of trying to honor somebody you have lost respect for. What you do is try to see them through God’s eyes. You try to focus more on yourself, to love and honor somebody else is really about you, the words you speak over others you will speak over yourself. It’s not really about them, it is about us and our relationship with God. We honor God, we seek His favor, not the approval of others. So to honor somebody else is not really about them and their worthiness at all, it is about honoring our own selves and honoring God.
Here is where kindness comes in. It’s the fake it until you make it principle. You have to swallow a lot of pride, but sometimes practicing basic good manners, the formality of saying “please” and “thank you” and “you’re welcome,” can go a long way. We tend to treat strangers with respect, but show our worst to our spouses. The simple act of speaking kind words over another can help to place them in your mind as someone worthy of your respect.
These are not simple issues and I hope this doesn’t sound like a lecture. Myself, I often struggle with the challenge of resisting the urge to pitch tea cups at people’s heads or flip them off in traffic. I have been known to snap at my own husband many times. Kindness however, is mandatory and to love one another is a commandment.
motherhendiaries said:
I agree. Kindness is a command. But not all out there are”Christ’s people,” of course. Nevertheless, to take the high road is to sacrifice nothing. Bad behaviour falls on the head of the perpetrator. This is a lovely post, IB. None of us are perfect.. I have snapped at HH many a time, as he has me. But to blanket the offense with kindness is truly a virtue.
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Wally Fry said:
Nice IB. And you are so right, being kind would be so much easier if not for those pesky people. Honestly, sometimes the way I act, being nice to me is worthy of many extra rewards in Heaven. I likewise struggle with it. I keep the passage from Luke 27-38 underlined, starred and highlighted in my Bible and read it almost every single day to remind myself what I need to do out there in the world.
And this issue is HUGE for Christians, and one of our more massive failures. Sometimes Christians, maybe even especially Christians are the crankiest people around. Seems we spend more time waggling our bony fingers at people than we do sharing the Love of Jesus Christ with them.
@ mother
Bad behaviour falls on the head of the perpetrator.. Indeed it does.
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Quixie said:
For me it all boils down to the golden rule. I can’t make myself love somebody but I can strive to treat them how I want to be treated which definitely means kindness even when I’m being difficult.
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entropy said:
I like this post. I learned a lot from it tonight. I probably have to read it a few times over. The only thing that gave me troubles is the being polite part- saying “please” and “thank you”. People can take your whole hand when you give them a finger.
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Rebecca LuElla Miller said:
I’d add, pray for them. It’s really hard to maintain an attitude of contempt and disrespect for someone you pray for regularly. What does Scripture say—bless those who curse you, I think. And a gentle answer turns away wrath. When we do what God commands, He takes care of the other person. My disrespecting someone, or their poor behavior that isn’t respectable, doesn’t give me an excuse to disregard God’s commandment. He didn’t say, Love your neighbor unless you don’t respect them.
Good post, IB!
Becky
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MishaBurnett said:
Love is an action, not a feeling. I am not commanded to enjoy being around people, to be happy whenever I see them, or to think that they are interesting. I am commanded to love them, not to like them.
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Belladonna Took said:
Thanks for this reminder. Lots of wisdom here.
And … um, sorry to nitpick, but I figured you were just being absent-minded when you wrote it – “love your neighbor” is actually the second most important commandment… right up there after loving God.
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Karen Van Benschoten said:
I was going to say something like that, but I decided not to nitpick. I’m sure the author is aware that there are two out of the Ten Commandments, and that they are the first two because they are the most important.
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Belladonna Took said:
Ja … well, more nitpicking, but the first one is the first commandment. The second – about loving your neighbor as yourself – isn’t actually phrased as such until Jesus spells it out.
Personally I find it helpful when people point out mistakes in my blogs. They’re easily made, and easily fixed.
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insanitybytes22 said:
I don’t know if you noticed, but no where did I quote “love your neighbor” nor did I use capital letters to indicate the “Greatest Commandment.” Love is a clearly mandated in the bible based on dozens of pieces of scripture. I was referring to them all collectively.
I did not make a mistake, you are flat out nitpicking and I have no intention of “fixing my mistake.”
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Belladonna Took said:
Apologies – no offense intended. I genuinely did intend to be helpful, you know!
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Karen Van Benschoten said:
After being repeatedly lectured about being polite to others, I have, at least, evolved into the “Please”, “Thank you” stage, but for some reason I still have trouble with “Your welcome”. I don’t know if I feel it is unnecessary or what. I usually just use a grunt to acknowledge that I heard the phrase. But sometimes that 2nd Commandment fades to the rear, my patience has been tried to the limit (usually in a Walmart store), and I start to express my discontent (!?), and I do it rather loudly. So I have to think about how I would feel on the other end of something and at least shut my mouth, if not roll away until my attitude has been readjusted.
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