You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink. Why is that? I see no reason why we should not simply hold his head under the water and make him drink. What kind of stupid horse won’t drink after you’ve gone through all the bother leading him to water? Wait…this saying has nothing to do with horses, does it?
Don’t put all you eggs in one basket. What’s with that? What about those of us that only have one egg from one lazy chicken? In fact, if you only have one egg, why do you need a basket at all?
A stitch in time saves nine. Who cares? Most of our clothing is poorly made in foreign sweat shops and falls apart before you can even wash it anyway.
Never go to bed angry. So you want me to stay up all night stewing about it, go to work cranky and tired, and eventually try to wipe out a small country?
Butter someone up. Is it wrong that this one somehow makes sense to me? If you whack somebody with a few balls of butter, should they not simply appreciate your efforts to make a good impression?
Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Do people really need to be instructed not to do this? If you are uncertain, should you really be having babies in the first place?
Giving the cold shoulder. How in the heck did this saying get all turned around? It used to mean to prepare a plate of left overs for your guests, now it means to shun someone?
Go the whole nine yards. Is it wrong for me to believe this one is a good idea? It means to fire all your ammo.
Pleased as Punch. To be happy with yourself? For killing someone?? Punch and Judy and Punch used to violently kill someone before saying, “That’s the way to do it?” Wait…is there something wrong with humanity?
Cat got your tongue? Oh uhg. Clearly there really is something wrong with humanity.