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I would like to announce that after careful and prolonged study, as well as having had many engaging conversations with others, I have now managed to solve all the world’s problems.

Yep, mission accomplished.

I have unlocked the key to healthy relationships between men and women, established a path to world peace, figured out how to catapult all the bad people into outer space, and solved all our political issues.

Sadly world domination continues to elude me, however. The world, in fact the entire universe, insists on ignoring my whims and going it’s own way. A most unfortunate set of circumstance I assure you. If only people would listen to me, we could have this planet cleaned up in no time.

But hey, whatever. Don’t do it the way your mother told you to the first time. Do it wrong 75 times first, THEN resign yourself to the truth and do it MY way. Or not. It’s your bed people, you have to sleep in it. If I am feeling charitable, I shall comfort you when you discover your wrongness. If not, I shall laugh and point fingers gleefully.

Just saying. Your choice. The part where we all march off the edge of a cliff like a herd of wildebeests however, that part gives me pause. If you all would be so kind as to just leave me behind, that would be lovely.

**Also in case the NSA is listening in and that little red light above their keyboards is flashing, my references to “world domination” are only metaphorical.