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Today I am thinking of childbirth, such an odd thing to wake up to. A few bloggers have recently had babies and a common theme there is that nothing could have prepared them, we just don’t speak plainly about this stuff, often enough. Also, give me drugs, massive amounts of drugs, which gave me a chuckle.
I’ve written before about my first child, Baby Huey we’ll call her. She was a downright spiritual experience, not altogether unpleasant at all, much in the way a near death experience could be called beautiful. I went on to have three more.
We’ve come a long way in assisting women medically, from trying to knock them out completely and intervening way too much, to developing some gentler forms of pain relief and trying to honor the natural process so as to first do no harm.
Childbirth is an interesting thing because it is such a paradox. Women like to say, “it was the most beautiful experience of my life” and yet we all know it is more akin to being drawn and quartered over and over again. Beautiful because you have this wonderful little baby and you are still alive. Often the joy of having this tiny fruit of your labors and having survived the whole thing, trumps the reality of what you have just been through.
So, pain, it is like no other! You just gently breathe your way through each of those lovely contractions as they peak and ebb and flow…..uh hm, r-i-g-h-t. Just put on some gentle whale sounds, find your focal point, and allow the “labor” the come up from your toes and gently wash over you, flowing into the interconnectedness of the universe…you are now in your happy place…there could be some mild discomfort…
It’s a bit more like being drawn and quartered, except you do not get to die. You cannot even pass out. For somewhere around 18-36 hours, over and over again. Also, it gets worse. Most pain will ease somewhat, childbirth builds. Usually you can tell yourself, “if I just get through this is it will get better, it will ease off and pass.” In childbirth it is more like “if I can just get through this, it will definitely get even worse….” There is no escape.
People tend to think that the final act, the pushing is the worst, a bit like trying to expel a watermelon. I don’t think so, not so much, at that point you are already half dead and approaching the finish line. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still excruciating, it’s just that the intensity of the pain that has already gotten you to this point, makes you rather cheerful about the idea of now only having to try to pass a watermelon.
Excruciating. A pain like no other. There just aren’t words to describe it. We don’t like to say these things. We want children to believe they came into the world gently, we don’t want to frighten other moms, and if we plan to ever do it again, we must tuck those memories away, because to voluntarily seek out that kind of pain again is not exactly rational. Denial, it works and serves a vital purpose in the world.
It is not the same for all women. I have attended a couple of births that were astounding, weathered with much calm and grace and hardly a complaint beyond “oh that’s somewhat uncomfortable.” Understatement of the year. My own daughter barely made it to the hospital and very nearly delivered in the waiting room, her childbirth experiences being much gentler than mine, although nothing to sneeze at.
These softer experiences are somewhat rare, so if you have bounced something off a doctor’s head or gleefully torn off a husband’s fingernail, you are in good company. Screaming is not uncommon and a rather good sign. It means the baby is probably getting enough oxygen because there is still enough left over for you to formulate a proper scream.
Something that is rather interesting about childbirth, submission makes it easier. The more you can submit to the experience, the gentler it will be. That is why those of us assisting say silly things like, “just sink into the bed and embrace the pain, welcome it, surrender to it and relax.” Relax??! “Walk towards that pain, welcome it, do not resist, not even your little pinky finger.” Breathe. Pant. This is sound advice, your ability to submit and surrender, to relax all your muscles, eases the process. The worst thing you can do is to resist, to struggle against it. However, that is far easier said than done. It requires some major mind over matter at a time when you are exhausted and your mind no longer matters.
I managed moments of this myself in all four births, so I know it is true, it is possible, it will make it better. Unfortunately I could only pull it off for about 10 minutes at a time, before the resistance, the urge to struggle against the pain set back in. Did I mention it is excruciating, panic inducing even? Bit tongue in cheek here, but do not panic, you are only dying, all will be well!
During my last childbirth, they now have these little hot tubs designed to relax you or perhaps to scald you half to death and cook the baby. I jest, but if all is going well, they put you in the hottest water you can stand and the scald is quite delicious because it takes your mind off the pain of contractions. You cannot really give birth in boiling water however, so at some point you will have to get out.
Today we have some drugs, epidurals, some medications that can ease the process. For many women, they provide a bit of relief from the worst of it, for some a great deal of relief. Wouldn’t you know it is just my luck that these things do nothing for me? The doctor is not quite sure what it is, but pain meds of the opiate kind seem to serve no purpose in my body. Tylenol tends to brings me more relief. This is somewhat unusual however, so don’t worry about it if you seek an epidural.
Those bloggers who have written about childbirth and complained about how nobody really seems to speak plainly about the truth of the pain, make a good point. I tend to agree.
From a Christian perspective, childbirth it puts an interesting spin on submission. Submission, rather than being an unfortunate and unpleasant thing, is actually designed for our own comfort, to alleviate our own suffering. We see this play out in childbirth and we see it play out in many other areas of our lives. To struggle and resist against things we cannot control is somewhat foolish and sure to make life even more painful for us. Surrender is no picnic either, but it is designed to bring us some ease, some peace, some comfort. There is time to resist, to struggle, “to rage, rage against the dying of the light…” Childbirth is not one of those times.
There’s a bit of Divine justice written in there, that I mention with all good humor, but those of us who are a bit feisty, those of us who rail against the idea of submission, do not necessarily displease God, we simply fail to avail ourselves of His good advice, advice given with great love and intended to ease our own suffering.
Just reading with wide eyes…
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Yikes insanitybytes, I need to find my ‘waaaaaaaaaaay good button
I always appreciated that line in scripture which reveals that the woman does not deliver the baby, but that ‘she is delivered of the baby…………’ I think you and most women can relate. And once more, God’s word is light years ahead.
Then that travail, (granted I have no experience) both of soul and body is ended, for ‘joy that a man is brought into the world.’ Your wrap of this with submission was like an engine firing on all cylinders without a miss.
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Thank you ColorStorm. To be delivered of a baby, yes that’s it precisely. The prose to be found in scripture is often quite amazing, there are truths in there that are sometimes not seen at first, but later, when you have the eyes to see, they can be startling in their clarity.
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Some of the worst pain imaginable, for up to 36 hours consecutive, and all…the difficulties of raising the child. The truth: great way to curb teen pregnancy.
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I’ll just repay what you left on my post:
https://violetwisp.wordpress.com/2015/03/18/the-trials-of-womanhood
Also, do you think it’s a punishment from your god for Eve suggesting Adam eat an apple?
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Yes Violet, I believe scripture. What I find interesting however, I am not the one talking about women being shamed into thinking they should be able to handle it. I see no shame in childbirth at all. I am not even opposed to using drugs. So many of those messages are coming from the other side of the aisle, something I don’t like to see, something I find rather anti-womanly. I jest a bit, but who would tell women to just put on whale music, that they must avoid drugs at all costs, that they can handle it? That they are somehow weak if they cannot? That seems rather cruel. Who is trying to promote those ideas? Not I.
You needn’t believe in God to believe in the pain of childbirth. That is real enough. You needn’t believe in submission either, to understand that physiology makes it clear that surrendering to the process is going to make it easier, that the more you manage to relax, the better off you will be.
The idea of not being able to “handle it” is interesting too. That is completely irrelevant. Whether one can handle it or not, it is happening. Whether one surrenders or resists, it is happening. Makes no difference one way or another. So the entire concept of being able to “handle it” is one based on nothing more than judgement, shame, and an attempt to control something you cannot.
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The messages to go without drugs and medical intervention are promoted because they generally have better health outcomes for both the mother and the baby. There’s less risk to both if drugs aren’t involved – that’s certainly why I went drug-free. The problem is that this message is overtaken by an unrealistic vision being promoted and women wanting it so much they feel shame they didn’t ‘manage’ it.
I don’t really understand what you mean with surrendering and being able to handle it.
Can you link to the other blogs you mention? I’d be interested to read them.
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I had back labor for 40 hours with my first, and thought that I was prepared to handle any amount of pain with my second. Ha ha, no.
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Uhg, yes, back labor. That is the oddest thing too, they say that once you have been through birth, the next time will be easier. People have a strange definition of “easier.” 😉
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It was easier in the fact that it only lasted 12 hours and I recovered quicker, but it was considerably more forceful and relentless. All I could do was dig my fingernails into my husband’s skin and scream for the entire time. He had little crescent shaped cuts all over by the time our baby made her appearance. 🙂
It was totally worth it.
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Loved this! I’m a labor and delivery nurse, and the knowledge deficit of some patients regarding pain during this process amazes me. You’ve been growing a baby. A human one. And now it must exit your body. Unless you are under general anesthesia, you are going to feel SOMETHING during labor and birth!
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Thanks for your comment! That disconnect/denial about the pain that might be involved always fascinates me. Perhaps we don’t talk about it enough, perhaps they genuinely don’t know, but it’s hard to imagine how that could even be possible.
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Ooh… My favorite subject! I need to write more on the topic, but I’ve been so busy these days building my doula business. 😋
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Ah, I wondering why I followed you and you were flashing up on my reader. I look forward to reading your posts on this subject.
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Ugh, sounds terrible. The last two I worked on were midwife-assisted, at the client’s homes, and involved zero drugs, lots of walking around and chatting in-between contractions, quite mild pain, and about $50 in total supplies (blankets, gauze, and Gatorade). One was a first-timer, too, with zero pre-stretching, and that was actually the easier of the pair.
I believe Christ warned men to stay away from women’s menstruation and childbirth, didn’t He? And if He did, He had a great reason–to keep men from developing “obstetrics” to turn a relatively mild natural process into a pain-ridden muck of screaming victims, slashing genitals, and trying to essentially take a womb-dump while strapped onto a horizontal platform surrounded by onlookers.
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LOL! Well, we do know he arranged His own birth so it would take place away from on-lookers, in a barn, so perhaps he had some understanding of these things. If He had been born into great wealth at the time, no doubt the very best would have been provided, and Mary may well have not survived the experience. 😉
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My wife was in labor for 36 hours with our first. Before we left the delivery room she was talking about the next one. We had five more. That’s love.
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Thank the Lord for epidurals.
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