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My husband likes the song, I’m a simple man. He’s so not simple at all, he’s complicated. What he really means is that his needs are few and he is easy to please. That’s very true.

Reading blogs today, there were some married men bemoaning, “men are so simple!  What is wrong with my wife?” It made me laugh because there is a kind of cognitive dissonance that happens there, a communication problem between the genders. Most men are so not simple, but they sure like to think they are.

When I was first married and had small kids, the house would look like it had  been hit by a natural disaster and I’d feel as if I had spent the day pointlessly shoveling snow in a snowstorm. Hubby would come home and ask, “so what did you do all day?” I would literally hiss, claws coming out, fur standing up, the whole works. He was completely baffled. The thing is, I assumed he was criticizing me because the house was mess, but he was honestly just trying to inquire about my day.

One day he simply demanded to know,” just who are you trying to impress?” He  informed me I certainly wasn’t cleaning the oven for him. He’d had a long day too, so in a bit of huff, he put down his coffee cup, the remote control, and a  plate of bacon he’d taken from the fridge. He said, “See this, I’m a simple man, all I need to be happy is the remote control, bacon, and sex.”

I honestly thought he was lying to me. There is no way anybody on this planet could  possibly be content with those things! See, women are not like that all.  We have numerous emotional needs, layers and layers of consciousness, endless lists of tasks to be accomplished, concerns over things that haven’t happened yet and perhaps never will…Women are so not easy to please.

In that moment I realized that all these standards I was failing to meet, all these
expectations I had of myself, had nothing what so ever to do with hubby. Naturally I blamed him anyway. Everything I was doing was because of him, wasn’t it? Or everything I thought I was failing to do, rather.

It took me a while to figure out he really wasn’t lying to me.

Recently a wife was venting to me about how her husband doesn’t seem to appreciate her, doesn’t realize how much she does for him. “Stop doing all those things,” I whispered to her, “All he really needs from you is bacon, the remote, and sex.”

“No way,” she said, “that’s crazy! Nobody in their right mind would believe that!”

Hey, I never claimed to be in my right mind. I never claimed men to be either.

***Repost from 8.21.14