, , , , , ,

Sologamy is actually the practice of self marriage. Yes, this is a real thing in the world. Here is more on that. Recently I read an article from Japan about a business that actually performs self weddings, complete with flowers and dresses and missing only the groom. Business is booming. Although men can certainly marry their own selves, this is a trend more favored by women.

Sologamy actually started popping up in the 60’s and has attracted some feminist appeal over the years, but recently has become more mainstream and socially accepted.

Needless to say, I immediately want to know how one goes about divorcing oneself? What about domestic disputes? Relationship issues? Are you in a spiritual union with me, myself, and I? How do you deal with conflicts in this relationship? It’s somewhat amusing, but I suspect I could manage to encounter all of those issues, even in a marriage to myself.

I used to think that would be a bit of Divine justice or Divine comedy, to marry somebody exactly like your own self. Talk about a hellish experience! Trapped for all of eternity with somebody exactly like you.  Karma, indeed. Well, today we can cut out the middlemen and just go for it.

Some people have a hard time understanding why I am so adamant about marriage, so concerned about its new and improved, expanded definitions. Because marriage has spiritual implications, because it is a religious ceremony, because merging the yin and the yang and creating some balance and harmony in the world is vital to our continuation as a species. Throw the male and female out of whack and things get ugly quickly. There are also scriptural references to marriage that lead one to conclude that marriage is an important institution, a structure that has great value to us as a species. The biblical story actually begins with two naked people in a garden. Christ Himself speaks of his own relationship with the church as a marriage. The book ends with a spiritual union, a wedding.

There are many Christians who do not perceive marriage as very important, who do not share my same worries about this vital balance of the yin and yang. Let people get married, even to their own selves or in three way relationships, they say. They aren’t hurting anyone and marriage isn’t religious, it’s a civil thing. Well actually no. Even sologamy is known as a religious ceremony. We are not talking civil unions here, we are talking about religious ceremonies. There are a couple of three way marriages that have happened in the US, and those people were not standing in front of a justice of the peace or a court clerk, they desired a form of religious ceremony, a Divine blessing. It is the spiritual union itself that gives marriage it’s meaning.

In evo-psych and often in the manopshere, there is this idea of female hypergamy, as if it dominates female psychology, provides an explanation for what sometimes seems to be irrational behavior. I have to pause and laugh here, I’m not quite sure how sologamy would fit into the hypergamy equation. I guess she’s marrying up?

It’s not that I don’t understand hypergamy, it’s that it’s such a male defined projection that it often makes me laugh. Men are very good at contemplating the nature of women, and getting it wrong, but the nature of their own selves? Not so much. There’s nothing shameful in that, one can hardly blame them. The idea that women actually act more in response to the behavior of men, than of our own volition, would terrify me. It does terrify me. I’d prefer to be ruled by nothing but biology and random hormonal influences. To admit that men greatly influence women’s behavior leaves you somewhat vulnerable.

Women do not just spontaneously combust due to the biological influences of hypergamy, we actually respond more as a reflection of the men in our lives. For men to recognize and acknowledge that fact is to be forced to take some responsibility for some rather uncomfortable facts of life. Like, your behavior really does matter and you are responsible for it.

Those who subscribe to hypergamous theories are actually heavily invested in a form of sologamy themselves, a marriage of one, so to speak, in which they perceive women through their own eyes. Those men are looking for a biological explanation for the behavior of women, when in fact, women are simply compelled to seek the higher selves of men. That can be very hard to understand when we have beauty queens running off with felons, but that is what women do, we seek the higher selves of men even when those on the outside looking in presume said target of our affection has no higher self.

I do find it rather sad. Women seek the higher selves of men and men think, that’s completely irrational! There must be some other biological explanation here.

Sologamy provides us with a clue about female behavior and what truly motivates us. Sologamy is defined as “occuring when a religious ceremony takes place, creating a new union between a person’s physical body and his/her spirit.” It’s a perversion of the marriage ideal, but it speaks well to that compelling desire to create a spiritual union, sometimes casually and inadequately referred to as intimacy. There is a spiritual communion that takes place there and it cannot be found solely within oneself nor with one’s own gender, because creating that balance and harmony between the yin and the yang does not exist in those relationships. Gender is not just a social construct and self is not just a figment of our own egos and imaginations.

Biology is powerful stuff and it influences us all, but you simply cannot define love and romance solely through scientific eyes. Love tends to break the rules, to defy reason, and to insist on surprising us, over and over again.

boldly flee