When in the course of human stupidity, my own, I am sometimes compelled to go see what the extremists are up to. This often servers a vital purpose, the truth can be found there, presented in such a blatant and obvious manner that even I can’t miss it.
One of the best examples of bombastic male peacockery gone awry, is often to be found at Alpha Game, a blog I am reluctant to link to, but alas it’s not really fair not to. The post there was entitled “Porn IS Better than the Average Woman.”
Yes, precisely, just as half a dozen cats and a good romance novel is way better than the average man. That is sarcasm by the way, although curling up with a cat and good book does sometimes carry a certain amount of appeal….
I suppose there’s not much need to elaborate on that statement, “Porn IS Better” but let me just say that there is such heart break written in there, such wounding, that it is actually hard to find the humor in it. That is some painful stuff and no, not because of what it allegedly says about women, but because of what the men there inadvertently say about themselves.
Pornography has been quite harmful to men (and women too) not just because of the addictive nature of it, the toll it takes on relationships, the obstacles it places between men and women, but the harm it has done to the male psyche. Now some people see a benefit to porn, incorporate it into their marriages, whatever. I don’t intend to argue against that nor do I want to go on anti porn campaign and try to ban “obscenity.”
I simply want to make note of one of the harmful aspects of porn and the danger that lies there. Women who engage in porn are in the customer service industry, a bit like a grocery store clerk. Their entire job is to present you with a polite and flat two dimensional version of themselves, one that you will find appealing and non threatening. Needless to say, this is not a true representation of the full nature of either retail clerks, those working in the porn industry, or women in general. This is a false presentation of the nature of women, a myopic, two dimensional, exaggerated fantasy version of one aspect of women’s character, one that appears to exists only to please you.
That idea is already quite appealing, quite desirable and we haven’t even gotten to the sexual aspects yet. Who does not crave a few moments with someone whose entire world seems to revolve around nothing but you? We live in a rather self-centered world, getting others to take the least bit of interest in you is challenging at best.
Sexuality is a powerful biological thing, it’s probably more influential on us then the desire to eat or drink water. We sexually bond with the things we have trained ourselves to sexually bond with, whether consciously or unconsciously. Pedophiles for example, tend to be sexually bonded with children, so they become compelled to seek them out. That is a horrific and appalling example of what it really means to be sexually bound. Fortunately most of us are tied to things far less harmful, some even rather amusing.
When one’s sexuality has developed and bonded with the two dimensional female characters of video games or the compliant and service oriented women of the porn world, it is only natural to be drawn to these icons, these fantasy images. One starts to expect the real world to conform to one’s own needs, so one goes seeking the cartoon women of video games or the non threatening compliance of the porn girls. One begins to desire their non threatening demeanors, their submissive natures, the control one has over them, evident in the click of a mouse….
The problem however is that rather then compliant and non threatening, girls in the real world are actually quite scary, most of us anyway. Very seldom will you ever meet a woman unable or unwilling to ever break your heart. It is what it is, women are people. Real women in the real world are more then capable of being thoughtless, scary, cruel, imperfect. Also, we don’t all look quite like the cartoon drawings of women in video games or porn videos.
When the sexual bonding of the porn world slams against the women of the real world, you often arrive at the quite logical conclusion, Porn IS Better Than the Average Woman. At that point you are truly trapped and forced to wait rather powerlessly for women to change their entire nature to now comply with your fantasies, a fantasy perception that no human woman can ever really hope to compete with. She will always fall short and you will always be dissatisfied.
The heartbreak also written in there is that no, porn is not better than the average woman. It lacks intimacy, long term commitment, spiritual growth, seeing yourself reflected in another’s eyes, an exploration of your own sacrificial nature, the strength you can discover in the midst of heartache, a genuine understanding of what it really means to be willing to lay down your life for another. From a Christian perspective, these things are absolutely vital if you wish to truly experience the nature of your Creator and your own role in the relationship. Now perhaps there are other ways to accomplish this outside of marriage, beyond building intimacy with another human being, but I’m going to say that one of those ways is probably not through pornography. Although never say never, God does work in mysterious ways, so there is always that.
Ironic to say the least that we now live in a world where men are being conditioned and sexually bound by pornography to seek the submissive and non-threatening in women, something men are already biologically pre-programmed to do, while at the same time we have feminism attempting to bind women to the non submissive, the dominant, the defiant, the rebellious, something that really is not our biological happy place at all. Given these conditions, no wonder the two genders can be like two ships that pass each other in the night, glaring at each other with resentment.
A word on the female biological happy place, an idea some women are quite uncomfortable with and tend to resist with some hostility. No human being, and women are human, truly enjoys existing in a state of perpetual resistance, seeking control over all things at all times. We seek contentment, peace, the lovely harmonious flow that comes from a place of safety and self acceptance. Our very natures demand it.
Also, I know what books we tend to read when we really are curled up with half a dozen cats.