There sure are some smart women in the world. One blogger posted these poignant words, “We are the generation of gender equality, and we can’t stop hurting each other because we have no sense of how to get along.” A-yep.
Men and women have never had an easy time of it. Relationships have always been about angst and stress and trying to figure out how to get along, but we have done a grave disservice to the cause of love.
When our culture decided to completely rewrite the biological narrative, I doubt anybody understood the implications, the cause and effect that would snowball down the hill and impact every area of our society. But never mind the decline of Western Civilization, today I just want to bemoan some the harm that’s been passed down to the generation of gender equality, myself included.
It’s really hard to have a relationship if you come from a broken home, because you have no role models, no lifetime of witnessing what relationships between men and women look like. Harder still is living in a society that doesn’t value commitment and actually encourages divorce. If you grew up under feminism, you have the added burden of having been taught a rather bass akwards definition of gender, of what male female relationships are, a version that completely ignores biology.
In some ways I avoided the worst of some of these challenges, in part because I have a defiant nature and tend to do the exact opposite of what I’m told and in part because my husband forgot to read the manual on cultural expectations. It still was far more challenging then it needed to be and I resent the social engineering that has made it so.
IRL and on the internet I encounter all these men who complain about how mean women/wives are, how angry and defiant and uncooperative and always ticked off. They want some gentleness, some yielding. Listen to what the women have to say however, and they simply can’t ever let their guard down. Men have to provide the safety for that gentleness to come forth and far too many men no longer have any idea what it means to be men anymore. There is a symbiosis that has to happen there.
A while back somebody suggested that women just need to change and become more feminine and then men will follow their lead, their expectations. It just doesn’t work that way. You simply cannot demand that women act all sweet and gentle and submissive without providing the protection and safety necessary for them to do so.
Now, different people have different personalities, different lifestyles, so the language they’re going to speak to each other is going to be unique to them. I always get myself into trouble when I use words like “gentle” or “submit” because it supposedly promotes rigid gender roles, demands women act like doormats, kills puppies, and flies in the face of feminist thought. That last part is probably true, it does fly in the face of feminist thought. However, there’s nothing resembling weakness behind the concept of gentleness. You want to get technical about it, the strongest, most powerful act of love the world has ever seen, was all about gentleness and surrender.
Biologically speaking, what men really need to feel loved is respect. Feminism teaches women to never respect men, ever. Don’t pour honor into men, always keep yourself in a defensive stance, making it clear you don’t really need them. What women really need to feel loved is some security and protection, a sense of safety. Naturally feminism then comes along and teaches men the exact opposite, women don’t need you, so don’t even think about presenting yourself as having any worth beyond constantly validating women’s independence and ability to survive without you.
It’s a complete recipe for disaster because it denies the nature of who we are as men and women and attempts to turn our biological impulses on their head. Men can never really get the respect they crave and women can never really get the safety we need to reveal our love.
Now, men and women are going to go right on trying to have relationships with each other, in spite of the obstacles in our way. That’s also biology at play. What’s sad however, is how much pain and misery we’re going to have to experience because somebody decided they could design a better system.