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faith, hope, love, marriage, men and women, pirates, relationships, romance, social status
Bit tongue in cheek here, but I have no idea! I think I married a rogue, possibly a pirate. I’ve always loved pirates so that would explain everything. I kid you not, the man is actually fond of old wine barrels and rum kegs, so if you look around my house, it certainly seems as if I’m married to a pirate. No complaints here, pirates are simply awesome.
So what is a gentleman? The old fashioned definition used to be a man of worth and value, of high social status, often of noble birth. So, if you read my previous posts, the old fashioned definition of a gentlemen would fit in well there. Women are naturally going to be attracted to men who perceive themselves as having high value and worth.
The problem comes from our ever evolving definition of gentleman, which has now come to be defined a bit more as service oriented, kind, gentle, having good manners, being courteous of others. That’s certainly an aspect of the character of gentlemen. Those are delightful qualities, something we’d like to see more of in the world, but somewhat forgotten seems to be that other part about having high social status and value.
Gentlemen were often from the upper classes and carried themselves accordingly. They knew who they were, they advertised their worth and value, and they walked in the world with a sense of entitlement. Now in real life many of them were probably complete jerks, but I’m speaking metaphorically here about the whole concept of being a gentleman.
In today’s world one need not be of noble birth or great wealth to perceive oneself as a gentleman. It is more about one’s character, attitude, and integrity, and the way one carries themselves and walks in the world. Sometimes forgotten in there however, is the value and high status that goes along with it.
There’s a lot of focus these days on wanting to change the nature of women, on the harm that feminism has done to relationships between men and women. Those things are all true, no doubt about it. And yet, if you read literature from the days of old, this struggle is nothing new. Relationships between men and women have never been easy. Look at Romeo and Juliet, a trail of dead bodies that eventually ends in suicide. That is so not the way love is supposed to be, but it usually does have aspects of a tragic comedy to it. Love is supposed to be challenging, it’s supposed to be a struggle, it’s supposed to teach you things about yourself. It’s not supposed to be easy.
I was not very friendly, kind, or gentle, when I met my pirate. Actually, my husband must have been a bit insane himself because at the time I was a fairly outspoken feminist who did not even really like men. What in the world he saw in me baffles me to this day. On the other hand, the simple act of pursuing me was a pretty good demonstration of thinking highly of yourself. It’s rather bold to believe yourself worthy of pursuing an insane woman who likes to throw tea cups at people.
Reblogged this on Author P.S. Bartlett.
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Thank you for the reblog.
Sometimes it seems as if we live in this world filled with women longing for some leadership from men and yet all these men convinced that they have to change the nature of who they are in order to really appeal to women.
Do we ever come together, get it right, and solve the riddle of love? I don’t know, but that is certainly the stuff of a good romance novel 😉
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I am a what you see is what you get kind of woman. Every man is an individual just as every woman is. I love men. I love them in all shapes, sizes and personalities. I gravitate to the furry and funny variety. I don’t know if we’ll ever solve that riddle but it sure is fun trying. 😉
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I believe that men were created to be leaders, and as such, I think that women will soften when men step into their roles of being gentlemen (i.e. “men who perceive themselves as having high value and worth”). Going after the feminist movement as a way to “right” society misses the root issue. First get men to behave like men; then women will transform into the kind, caring, nurturing beings they were uniquely created to be.
This is of course a broad, sweeping generalization, but we have to speak in these terms because there will always be an exception to the rule. That said, the issue of men’s passivity is as old as the Garden of Eden, when Eve ate the forbidden fruit, offered it to Adam, and he acquiesced. I typically wait for the man to lead, but if he doesn’t, then by golly, at some point someone has got to do something! And so we as women step into the role that it is written in the heart of a man to do.
I have been in relationships where I was railing at my man, and all he needed to do was step forward, take charge and wrap me in a hug. Be brave enough to step forward, and I melt. I soften. I’m a chocolate covered marshmallow. Break through my hard outer shell, and I’m all gooey. I suspect many women are the same. Our hurts from absent fathers and passive boyfriends have scarred over in callouses that need the salve of a man who knows his worth and will confidently take up the banner of Protector and Champion.
Succeed in convincing men to behave like Men, and women will again soften into Women.
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I really believe those things too, everything you’ve said.
It’s a difficult concept to try and share with men however, because I really don’t want to shame and blame them, or imply that the whole situation is somehow their fault. Women are not exactly cooperative ourselves and then there have been huge societal shifts going on.
The thing is, men have tremendous power in the world and when they lead, many women really will follow.
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Aurora & IB:
This story was in the news yesterday, I would like to hear what you think of it:
http://news.yahoo.com/hot-mugshot-guy-sean-kory-jeremy-meeks-145146030.html
This is the kind of thing I was referring to in the previous post. The kinds of men who are gentlemen/pirates/rogues are a type we used to see in popular fiction. The swashbuckling pirate was fighting for a just cause; also he was a nice guy—women felt safe around such men. But the males in the link above are simply punks. I’m older and probably smaller than both of them, but I wouldn’t be the least bit afraid to take them both on in a fight.
But who’s on the ‘hottest guys’ list? The guys who wouldn’t protect women—probably beat and abuse women—and are incapable of either leading or protecting women. Yet, this is what women evidently want: not the man who defends and protects them from scum like these. Hence I have my doubts that “where men lead many women will follow.’
And as a side note, I don’t think they’re ‘hot’ either. As far as them being ‘studs’—is that what women want their sons to be like?
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Thanks Eric, I’ll do a post about it. It’s rather appalling isn’t it?
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Did you throw a tea cup at him??? Hehehe… that last sentence made me giggle… Love how you call him a pirate. Pirates can be gentlemen too… I think…
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I>Succeed in convincing men to behave like Men, and women will again soften into Women.
I used to believe this, but several years of extensive reading in the area of gender relations (including studying in depth how cultural change happens, slowly but very deliberately and by design) have convinced me that it is women who need to change, not men. Men will live up to whatever standards women hold them to. Since presently most women have standards that are basically non-existant, most men have no incentive to behave like real men because there is little or no reward for doing do.
The best writer on this subject is A. Guy Maligned (WWNH). For a single woman looking for a masculine man, WWNH will teach her how to find and attract a masculine man:
http://wwnh.wordpress.com/2014/11/11/2094-domestic-indigestion-dont-blame-men/
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