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Psycho-babble, I hate it. Don’t be offended, I have half a dozen of these ailments cheshiremyself, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder with or without Hyperactivity, Depression, Anxiety, Social Anxiety Disorder, Bladder Control Disorder….wait, what? Yep, I read that right, bladder control problems are now perceived as a psychological issue, I guess on account of the fact that they can cause anxiety, depression, and obsession around finding a bathroom.

When did people become nothing but a collection of disorders?? Is this a First World Problem? I have a hard time imagining some Bushman being a germophobe or a hoarder or an emotional eater. I suspect our obsession over our own obsessions comes from living in the Western world and being exposed to pop culture and TV advertising. It’s nearly impossible to watch five minutes of TV without wondering if you might suffer from some ailment we have conveniently invented a pill for.

crazyWhen I was a kid and the system couldn’t figure out what to do with me, they diagnosed me with this thing called Chronic Maladjustment Syndrome. Back in the day that was the kind of disorder they assigned to kids who wouldn’t stay where they were put and who had a little, tiny problem with authority. To this day it’s my favorite disorder and one I have tried to nurture the most.

Like all good dysfunctional people, I decided to go to school to become a psychologist. Alas, my Chronic Maladjustment Syndrome kicked in and I became disenchanted with academia. Since then it’s gotten even worse, I’ve developed extreme narcissism with a side of sociopath, and discerned that most academiacs are simply FOS. Don’t get me wrong, I still love Karl Jung, Freud, therapy, and assorted self help books, I’ve just developed a bad case of self acceptance.

Recently my maladjustment popped up again when some people decided an idjit they strapsdisagreed with politically was a psychopath. Not even your enemies are safe from the psycho-babble! In the olden days we would call somebody a jerk or something, but these days we diagnose them with a mental disorder. This ticks me off so much, I tend to exhibit symptoms of mad cow disease. Unless they’re digging up bodies out of somebody’s backyard, I don’t want to hear the word psychopath. It makes me psychotic.

If I have managed to offend anybody, don’t worry about it, I’ll just plead insanity anyway. For all my mentally ill friends and family, stand up and stand tall, and don’t ever let them label you damaged goods.