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Yes, I’d say so, somewhat. Most likely there are certain biological directives that leadpirate2 us to desire a healthy amount of control over our environment, our nests. That’s a good thing. The problem arises when something gets broken along the way and we try to take that nesting skill out into the rest of the world in inappropriate ways.

My mother often accuses me of being a control freak, but my mother tends to try and project her own issues onto me. I bought her a lovely cream filled donut the other day, and she rather haughtily announced, “I’ll eat it when I’m ready!” It’s been sitting on the counter melting ever since. She has no idea how painful her rejection of my donut-gift has been. She has no idea, because for my mother, it’s all about her, all of the time. Literally, she cannot allow herself to submit to my gift or she will feel as if she has relinquished control, lost a battle, surrendered all, abandoned autonomy.

In spite of my mother’s opinion, I am not a control freak. I may well fall at the other end of the spectrum. I learned long ago that our ability to control the world around us is very limited and our ability to control other people, nearly non-existent. However, I may be a bit of an outlier, because observation has shown me that many women do have a tendency to seek control in somewhat inappropriate ways.

shipsHubby and I had dinner out the other day and this woman snatched a guy’s tarter sauce off his plate and informed him he wasn’t allowed to eat things with that much fat in them. It was demeaning and the lecture she gave him about how irresponsible he was being started to embarrass me.

If I did that to hubby, I think we might wind up in a food fight, possibly worthy of the evening news. That’s only because he’s rather fond of me, anybody else he’d probably just stab with a fork and be done with it. Bit tongue in cheek there, but not too far from the truth.

Did the woman at the table realize how hurtful, how disrespectful her words were? I suspect not.  Much like my mother, her obsession with control has probably erased any ability to empathize with her target.

I rarely offend hubby and certainly not in public, but I have a couple of times, completely unaware. Totally clueless and it’s actually surprised me when he’s finally said something. Than I’ve realized, good grief, that really was rather rude, and a bit contemptuous. Oops.

We really are living in a culture that now promotes a sort of contemptuous attitude towards men. In social situations it’s very difficult to avoid the expected eye rolling and somewhat bigoted comments about men in general. Something has really changed in the world and I’m not particularly happy about it.