Yes, I’d say so, somewhat. Most likely there are certain biological directives that lead
us to desire a healthy amount of control over our environment, our nests. That’s a good thing. The problem arises when something gets broken along the way and we try to take that nesting skill out into the rest of the world in inappropriate ways.
My mother often accuses me of being a control freak, but my mother tends to try and project her own issues onto me. I bought her a lovely cream filled donut the other day, and she rather haughtily announced, “I’ll eat it when I’m ready!” It’s been sitting on the counter melting ever since. She has no idea how painful her rejection of my donut-gift has been. She has no idea, because for my mother, it’s all about her, all of the time. Literally, she cannot allow herself to submit to my gift or she will feel as if she has relinquished control, lost a battle, surrendered all, abandoned autonomy.
In spite of my mother’s opinion, I am not a control freak. I may well fall at the other end of the spectrum. I learned long ago that our ability to control the world around us is very limited and our ability to control other people, nearly non-existent. However, I may be a bit of an outlier, because observation has shown me that many women do have a tendency to seek control in somewhat inappropriate ways.
Hubby and I had dinner out the other day and this woman snatched a guy’s tarter sauce off his plate and informed him he wasn’t allowed to eat things with that much fat in them. It was demeaning and the lecture she gave him about how irresponsible he was being started to embarrass me.
If I did that to hubby, I think we might wind up in a food fight, possibly worthy of the evening news. That’s only because he’s rather fond of me, anybody else he’d probably just stab with a fork and be done with it. Bit tongue in cheek there, but not too far from the truth.
Did the woman at the table realize how hurtful, how disrespectful her words were? I suspect not. Much like my mother, her obsession with control has probably erased any ability to empathize with her target.
I rarely offend hubby and certainly not in public, but I have a couple of times, completely unaware. Totally clueless and it’s actually surprised me when he’s finally said something. Than I’ve realized, good grief, that really was rather rude, and a bit contemptuous. Oops.
We really are living in a culture that now promotes a sort of contemptuous attitude towards men. In social situations it’s very difficult to avoid the expected eye rolling and somewhat bigoted comments about men in general. Something has really changed in the world and I’m not particularly happy about it.
See, there's this thing called biology... 
“We really are living in a culture that now promotes a sort of contemptuous attitude towards men. In social situations it’s very difficult to avoid the expected eye rolling and somewhat bigoted comments about men in general. Something has really changed in the world and I’m not particularly happy about it.”
Indeed. My wife and I get into conversations about this on a fairly regular basis, typically whenever we see some commercial on tv which bases it’s humor on characterizing men as Neanderthals or immature man-boys.
The worst part is that I have to admit that by and large, there are a lot of men doing their part to prop up these stereotypes…
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Stereotypes have a way of becoming a bit like self fulfilling prophecies. People eventually start living down to the culture’s expectations. When I look around at all the shallow and demeaning stereotypes we’re promoting in the popular culture, it’s enough to give me a panic attack.
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It’s strange you say this … About men being portrayed as stereotypes
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Why? You don’t see that going on?
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I do.. I just don’t see it being spoken about
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Are women control freaks? yes
Are men control freaks ? yes
Are all women control freaks? no
Are all men control freaks? no
Wow, Jack that was deep, lol
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There really are control freaks everywhere, but honestly I think there is something rather unique about women, perhaps related to a bit of maternal instinct. I see evidence of it everywhere, at work, out in public, in social situations. Look at our malls with their huge container stores and the whole closet organizing industry. It’s all about appealing to women’s desire for control.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man steal another man’s tarter sauce and than lecture him about his irresponsible eating habits. It’s almost comical to imagine such a thing, because it’s just not done.
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“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man steal another man’s tarter sauce and than lecture him about his irresponsible eating habits. It’s almost comical to imagine such a thing, because it’s just not done.” — I think that’s how the Civil War began in this country.
Two guys were sitting down for a meal and one of them grabbed the other man’s steak and lectured him about unhealthy eating habits which then turned to how poorly they were raising their children and eventually to a comment about how slavery was a bad thing.
See…once again it all goes back to the line: “DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF!” 🙂 Men can be very possessive. (notice I didn’t say “controlling” )
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-bytes
Spend a day in a new car showroom with 12 salesmen, they with make women look like Little Miss Muffet. Men can be a thousand times worse,
Control? Meeting doesn’t start until____________shows up; Lunch? Has to be approved by____________; Opinions about the president? He with the loudest mouth is said to have won the day. Who is the best salesman? Just ask him………….Maybe this control is more arrogance, but it is just as ugly.
As a rule though, you are probably right about women; good stuff as usual.
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How is that a correct analogy? What about a man who takes the tartar sauce from a woman’s plate? That seems more like it to me. And, “you can’t wear that” “where’s your make-up” “a little plastic surgery will fix that.”
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That “seems more like it to you” or have you actually seen that? Because memes aside, I’ve yet to witness it. I have seen women dress men down in public, snatch their food away, criticize them for their appearance, and generally demean them.
It would be rare to encounter a man publically ridiculing a woman about her make up or appearance because that would negatively reflect on him. He would be publically indicating he is with somebody sub par, and that, rather then establishing control, would be a bit like insulting himself.
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My point was that you did not reverse the example into an acceptable analogy. Why would you use as your analogy a man snatching the tartar sauce from ANOTHER MAN’s plate (unless they were partners, of course, and not just friends) instead of a man snatching the tartar sauce from a woman’s plate? I’m not talking about whether you or I have seen that behaviour, just wondering why you would do man/man as an analogy to woman/man tartar sauce snatching. And yes, I have heard, “where’s your make-up” in public. Of course, because the woman is supposed to reflect positively on a man by wearing make-up–it’s her duty not to be ‘sub par’.
I do like your signs, though…pirates are awesome!
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True enough. I suppose it’s more that men and women tend to be control freaks in differing ways, and over different things (typically speaking…)
It’s not very often you’re gonna see the husband spazzing out on his wife over the application of tartar sauce on her food at the restaurant…
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Ha!
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hey ‘Till
no fair- your comment is better than mine!!
lol
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What’s so absolutely worse is when women try to control other women.
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Yes, that is the absolute worst.
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Here is the solution, for men or women faced with someone perceived as controlling: don’t play.
Don’t argue,
don’t save up for later,
don’t validate
or defend yourself.
Just don’t care.
Then it becomes mute. We reinforce good behavior and don’t acknowledge negative behavior. In the end it may never change the other person’s behavior but you, well you will feel a whole lot better, because nothing you do will ever change what they are about or how they see the world. Do you want them in your life or out; do they stay or go?
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Sound advice 😉
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