Wearing hip boots and goggles, wading through the cesspool we call the internet, imagine my
surprise when I was first shamed with the term “misogynist.” Actually that’s not true, I found it to be uproariously funny. At a website musing a feminist utopia I said, “But what about the men? I’m really not sure we should annihilate them all!” What a dutz. If you’ve ever been a Fem on the internet, that is a major faux pas. Not the annihilation part, the words, “But what about the men?” Thou. Shall. Never. Show. Empathy. Towards. Men. We bathe in man tears! Learn it, live it, don’t ever forget it.
Seriously, “we bath in man tears” is a real thing in the internet world of feminism. I find it
to be appalling and insensitive.
It was amusing being labeled a misogynist, but in the spirit of all things NOT being equal,
it’s not the same thing at all when women call men misogynists, in fact, it’s rather cruel.
Obviously it’s done to shame and silence men, to force them to conform. It’s cruel because it
takes unfair advantage of some real biological triggers. Most men actually feel a sense of
protection towards women and when you accuse them of hating us, it messes with their heads,
their biology, their sense of reality. They recover quickly, it’s just not a nice thing
to do.
I live in an area that is economically depressed and has a high suicide rate. It’s been that way
all of my life, but when the economy crashed, we got hit particularly hard. True unemployment is
somewhere around 16% and there’s been a 24% increase in the number of suicides. Again, in the
spirit of all things NOT being equal, these issues have hit men the hardest.
Suicide makes me a bit angry. It’s an incredibly selfish act, because it isn’t all about you.
No matter how much pain you think you’re in, it hardly compares to the pain you’re going to inflict on the people who care about you. People who kill themselves take a little piece of everyone
else with them.
I actually got really mad about what so many men here were doing to themselves, but also to their mothers, wives, children, loved ones, so I asked God, what the heck is wrong with men?? They really do hate us, don’t they? Abandonment issues, what can I say.
So poof, God dropped me on my head in the manosphere.
I’ve long had a theory that misogyny in men is fairly rare, so being the scientist that I am,
I went looking for some genuine misogyny. Where else would you find the motherlode of all misogyny but in the manosphere, so with perfect synchronicity, that’s where I found myself. I’ve encountered vulgarity, hostility, and wounding all over the place, but pathological hatred of women, not so much. A few perhaps, but the vast majority were simply hot heads engaging in male peacockery and blowing off steam.
I didn’t find misogyny, I found something far more heartbreaking, the brokenness of wounded men, the pain of rejection, an endless parade of shame and a sense of failure. Did I mention the shame? They’re quite defensive about the shame. I also discovered that what men desperately seek is intimacy with women, so desperately, they’ll attempt to bend the entire nature of reality to help themselves cope with that loss. Sadly, what they seek, they so often destroy.
Most of them would probably deny it, but they want communion with women, intimacy, to be seen, to be valued. They want companionship and conversation and trust and closeness. True love, romance, the stuff of dreams and fairytales. Many of them no longer believe in those things, believe they were lied to, tricked, deceived. Collateral damage in some sort of Divine comedy.
Seriously, it was painful to read and I grieve for many of them. Shattered illusions and broken hearts are not fun to look at.
The stereotypes of women that some of these men have prance around like never ending defense mechanisms. Women are only attracted to jerks, women act instinctually out of fear, women are purely biologically driven, women this, women that… The number of stereotypes surprised me, almost as if they could just get the recipe right, women would make more sense. A bit like putting a table together from IKEA.
They’re trying so hard to understand the nature of women, but hardly bothering to get to know the nature of themselves, as it were possible to find a shortcut to intimacy that doesn’t involve self acceptance, the ability to empathize with the other gender, and a long term relationship that builds trust.
The ones who really break my heart are the Pick Up Artists. They’re funny, they’re cleaver, they’re going to collect as many conquests as possible and get something out of the deal. I suspect they are the ones that crave intimacy with women the most, but they’ve sold themselves short. They broke my heart because they’re just pouring dozens of women into that abyss of wounding that always leaves you feeling emptier than when you first started. They don’t know that yet, but someday they will and they won’t like it very much.
I’ve long been aware of the fact that men have a huge investment in their identities as providers, their ability to make money and to have successful relationships with women. They don’t have quite the same emotional flexibility about these issues that women have. It’s tightly woven around their identities, how they judge and measure themselves, how they perceive themselves as men. If you pull those two rugs out from under them, they’re often left staring into the abyss.
Far too many men define themselves with those two worldly things, money and their success with women. It’s a bit depressing to know that so many men limit their worth and value in such a flat, two dimensional way. Men are so much more, they have worth and value in the world that extends so far beyond those two things, and many are completely unaware of it.
There are a lot of men in the manopshere who identify themselves Christians. I don’t say this to shame anybody,but to truly follow Christ you have to recognize your worth, your value to Him. He really doesn’t just hand you crosses to bear, He lifts you up and makes you a better version of yourself. It’s a bit tongue in cheek, but I like to say there can be no such thing as a miserable Christian, it’s simply not allowed. One is actually commanded to go forth boldly and confidently, not resigned and miserable. God wants us to love our lives, ourselves, and each other.
As is the nature of men, they won’t listen to me, so anything I have to say would likely fall on deaf ears, but if I could tell them a few things it would be to stop looking to women for fulfillment, we’re only human, so we’re simply incapable of filling that void so many of you have. Stop pouring worldly things into your abyss, money, women, alcohol, drugs, that’s the path to despair. Find your worth and value in something greater than yourselves. Also, stop trying to save civilization and change the world. That journey needs to begin a bit closer to home.
One last bit of wisdom that comes from walking with Christ for so long, if your heart is hardened with bitterness and strong holds, someone with the courage to speak the truth to you will appear to be mendacious, deceitful. The truth will appear to you as a deception. When you allow yourself to put up those walls and harbor bitterness, you render yourself incapable of ever seeing the beauty being cast at your feet. Those are prisons of our own making. There is beauty to be found even in the ashes. Don’t wall yourself off.
Angela Wittman said:
Reblogged this on Christian Heritage News.
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JF said:
Very insightful and well written post! I like its honesty and kindness!
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Opinionated Man said:
Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
And yet feminists still claim that these “groups” are in the “minority.” I wish people would read more widely and see that THIS is a growing trend for CURRENT DAY feminists. Great post and welcome to the misogynist club… I think I am the president. -OM
Note: Comments disabled here, please comment on their post.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Thanks for the reblog, OM. With you as President of the club, it can’t all be bad 🙂
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boteotu said:
Reblogged this on Blogger at the Edge of the Universe..
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Tienny The Storyteller said:
👍
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thetruthisstrangerthanfiction said:
k, this might be a dumb question, but is the “manosphere” just a literary construct you came up with to describe a period of your life, or some literal thing like some internet chatroom for men discussing manly things..?
Awesome words. Having my own sense of identity as a “money-maker” being crucified was a truly painful experience, but freeing and wonderful in the long run. Money and power and sexual prowess are all baithooks used by the Enemy to pull people into defining themselves in ways that fall far short of what God intended for us…
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insanitybytes22 said:
The manosphere is a real thing, it’s a term I use to refer to a varied group of bloggers, mostly men, with a heavy emphasis on men’s rights and interpersonal relationships. It’s a mixed bag of assorted bloggers, some doing really good things, others not so much. LOL, I have a pet name for them, shark infested waters.
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thetruthisstrangerthanfiction said:
Interesting… I never would have imagined there would be that many guys out there writing about “men’s rights”, etc., but you learn something new every day… (what do we call the male version of feminists anyways…. “masculists”??)
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Tienny The Storyteller said:
Identity as a “money-maker” is a painful experience
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franzered said:
Reblogged this on I see a light in the darkness. Now all I have to do is just swim..
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Alanna said:
Last semester, I took this course on American literature and not only was the class almost entirely girls (2 guys and 20 women), but the teacher was a total feminist and she would mark points off my opinion papers if I said anything resembling anti-feminist ideals. One time, we were on the topic and I mentioned my father’s view of feminism (he’s often called a misogynist, but he’s really not) which is how women and men are different but women can use their gifts of beauty, sweetness, and sexuality to accomplish what men do using their own gifts. Everybody got quiet and glared at me as if I said the Holocaust never happened. It’s a shame, but so many women have some weird pseudo-hatred for men. That’s the kind of crap that leads to men being labeled as “misogynists”. Not cool.
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insanitybytes22 said:
My sympathies. It is tough trying to speak against feminist ideology. Your comment about having your paper marked down for saying anything resembling anti-feminist ideals, is quite common.
Many men, including my father and later my husband, have been labeled misogynists and sexists, when in fact, both of them invested everything they’ve had into trying to raise strong daughters. It sounds like your father may have done the same. I’m grateful for all the men in the world that genuinely care about girls.
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higharka said:
insanitybytes, I think you’re missing a lot of the subtext that occurs in those places. There actually is misogyny occurring there–misogyny can occur alongside sexual desire, as in when men discuss how boring, stupid, and worthless women are, except inasmuch as they fulfill sexual desires and/or cook and/or have babies. That’s not to say that those same people don’t also suffer from misandry–they cheer for a small sect of men, but hate “most” men for “betraying them” to women by caring about women.
If you’d like to bring up a specific example, go for it, but when the people on Vox’ site called your nether regions “rancid pussy,” they were expressing their misogyny, just as they express their misandry by mocking and belittling “losers” and “white knights.”
This is what people following Satan’s path do: they hate God’s creation, e.g., people, both men and women. That hatred can occur openly, such as those who admit that there is no conversational worth in women, or it can occur (more often) slyly, such as in those who use Bible verses to justify ignoring or exploiting women. Providing for a wife without being governed by her is a completely different thing than scaring someone into sleeping with you. The harsh, self-interested, unforgiving faux-Christianity that these guys adopt in search of traditional backing to their hateful screeds should not make one think that they so love the world.
Now, I once had a black friend who told me, “I’m not a racist–I hate everybody equally!” But as cute as that is, it’s not technically true. If you are biased against everyone (or just “almost” everyone), then you are still biased against them. Just not biased by contrast. So you can be both a misandrist and a misogynist.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Ah, Vox. Now that’s a whole other subject, one I just might address one of these days.
Than there are those-faux Christians promoting all this false doctrine and hatred that I haven’t even dealt with because frankly it just makes me want to vomit. I can tell you with absolute certainty that one of the worst things you can do in God’s eyes is to promote hatred and evil and claim Christ’s name as back up. That is really abysmal and appalling, and something I just haven’t had the stomach to address.
But as to men in general being misogynists? I don’t think so. Even underneath so much of that anger, vulgarity, displays of peacockery, their hatred of themselves comes across loud and clear. It’s not women they hate, it’s themselves. Clearly hatred of any sort is Satan’s path, even self hatred. I wouldn’t follow one of those men 3 feet across a room, let alone through this journey we call life. There’s simply too much wounding there and unless they heal, I imagine they’ll continue to suffer and bring misery down upon those around them.
Kind of interesting, many of the loudest of those guys have literally self exiled themselves out of the country. They’re not running from hatred of women, they’re running from their own selves.
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higharka said:
No, “men in general” aren’t misogynist, of course. We could argue all day about the specific example of Vox and his followers, and what they really feel in their hearts, but by their actions you will know them, and their actions are against women.
Something that may inform your future thoughts on this issue is the connection between being against women and being homosexual. Sexuality, and sexual desires/interests, are not just about “Acknowledging to myself that I want physical intercourse with _______.” There are components of love, lust, wants and needs that run far deeper than that. When you see a group of men who champions their exclusive intellectual and/or emotional interest in men, and claims that they only use women for occasional gratification, that is a homosexual act. It’s paired with hate, and involves disowning from oneself all of the tenderness and affection that’s supposed to be shown the fairer sex.
In the same way that so much feminism stems from women’s unacknowledged homosexual desires, so too does so much anti-feminism stem from men’s unacknowledged homosexual desires. Both of these groups feel marginalized even when they are the powerful party, they disavow the worth of the other side, and they develop this intense, hideously clannish behavior that is self-supportive only at the expense of outsiders. Some feminists have their late-night book clubs, drinking and giggling at their little house by the university in a no-men environment, and some of these “alpha” guys have their equivalent gym sessions, bar hopping, and cuddling on the couch while they play “Assassin’s Creed,” oblivious all the while to what it really means to reject the company of the opposite sex in favor of heavy-handed playing with the same sex.
That may have been why God chose in Leviticus to warn men against “lying with” men, rather than “having sex with” men. The latter implies merely fucking, while the former implies abandoning the integration of the sexes; not making the kind sacrifice of welcoming Eve, but rather casually partying toward extinction with Steve.
That’s a separate issue, though; we don’t need to talk about the rightness of homosexual sex, here. What’s most important to realize is the man-focused, homosexual lifestyle that these guys are advocating and living. Their arguments are self-interested arguments in favor of male company, and in disfavor of families.
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insanitybytes22 said:
“…but by their actions you will know them, and their actions are against women…”
Not necessarily. Many of them seem to believe they’re trying to save women and save the world. Their intentions are not motivated by hate, but rather a sense of protection, as distorted as it often comes across. Of course, the road to hell can be paved with good intentions, so I’m not suggesting they’re right about anything, I just don’t think it’s hatred that drives them.
As to suppressed or latent homosexuality, I don’t see that so much, but I sure do see some creepy cult aspects, psychological abuse, brainwashing, idolatry, programing, loyalty to the clan above all else. Bit jaded of me, but honestly, I think misogyny is the least of their problems.
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thetruthisstrangerthanfiction said:
“There are components of love, lust, wants and needs that run far deeper than that. When you see a group of men who champions their exclusive intellectual and/or emotional interest in men, and claims that they only use women for occasional gratification, that is a homosexual act”…
“…and some of these “alpha” guys have their equivalent gym sessions, bar hopping, and cuddling on the couch while they play “Assassin’s Creed,” oblivious all the while to what it really means to reject the company of the opposite sex in favor of heavy-handed playing with the same sex.”
Ok, so I hear that maybe these points are somewhat divergent from the original point, and towards the end here it seems like perhaps you two are talking past each other just a little. But honestly I find myself agreeing with both of your perspectives, and higharky, wow, well said! I’ve actually never heard someone pinpoint this whole phenomenon quite so succinctly and poignantly. As a married guy, this was one of the issues that I really did not have much appreciation for just how widespread and real it was until my wife was there to point it out to me, and it wasn’t something I necessarily wanted to acknowledge right away. It’s a weird concept for many people to grasp, but yes, exactly, it’s essentially a homosexuality dynamic, just without the sex… It’s the “bromance” effect, the emotional clinging to other men instead of women, because it feels safer. (and the same thing for women feeling safer with women) But I think insanitybytes’ overall point totally stands, in that in the end, it’s more about brokenness and inner pain and insecurity and all of that, far more than some outright bigoted hatred.. Once you start to understand that this is the underlying factor in the vast majority of all the differing types of unhealthy/unnatural relationships, it helps us to have more compassion and patience towards people who need the love and grace of God as much as we do….
But yeah, the “creepy cult aspects, psychological abuse, brainwashing, idolatry, programing, loyalty to the clan “, etc. is all stuff I started thinking about too, as all being hugely connected to whatever “suppressed or latent homosexuality”. It all goes hand in hand I’d say. Fraternities and mystery schools and secret societies are things that go WAY back into history, and I think they always incorporated an undercurrent of sexual deviancy in them, so it makes sense to me…
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Opinionated Man said:
“In the same way that so much feminism stems from women’s unacknowledged homosexual desires, so too does so much anti-feminism stem from men’s unacknowledged homosexual desires.” That might be the most ignorant statement I have read in years. Congrats! -OM
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Dish with Mish said:
What a great post! I couldn’t agree with you more.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Thank you for your nice words and for your comment.
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Paul said:
Very positive IB.
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ccchanel41 said:
I thought I was going to read a thoughtful post about how feminism hurt men. It seemed to be going that way. Then religion reared it’s ugly head as it often does, leaving room in comments to compare the ugliness of this new wave of feminism that hurts both sexes to homosexuals, as if they are somehow flawed *in god’s eyes*..*rolls eyes*. ..enter rad fem, of course..I have sons and I have daughters. I raise them equally, fearing for this world to be as unfair to my sons as it is to my daughters, maybe not in the same ways at all times. I have been at one time active in this so called *equal* feminist movement and I can tell you that they are vicious, probably more so to other women, but so also to men, and so calculating that they politically try to drive themselves into the Ferguson issue for a platform. Wow. I think i just wrote a blog. Maybe I will. You had me before your god.
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ccchanel41 said:
I feel an apology is in order to insanitybytes regarding my comments on the homogeneity thread comments. It was very late when I read them and I see she was, not making any of them. I do find them ignorant and offensive, but rereading the post, I find most points well thought out, compassionate and accurate.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Don’t worry about it, we’re tough here 🙂
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ccchanel41 said:
thanks..major typo..terrible on my phone! 🙂
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Opinionated Man said:
[walks around in muscle shirt]
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outstandingbachelor said:
So many women seem to hate men (by their comments and actions), that I imagine a good number of men deem the ‘whole lot of female-hood’ as man-haters.
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Opinionated Man said:
You mean they all aren’t?
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jimlifechoice said:
I must say I’m a bit confused about this feminists stuff. Isn’t what this group of women is advocating –the ‘downfall’ of man–a reverse of what it is they say they don’t want??–JIm
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Kheleya Fahrmann (khelwriter) said:
Disclaimer: I’m an atheist and materialist, so whether my input here is welcome is up to you. I am also an asexual man who doesn’t relate to women in terms of sexual desire or interest. And I’ve lived the bulk of the past 40 years in Toronto, which, it is totally no accident, hosted World Pride this summer. What I’ve seen in my own city and country and the realm of public speech is not a feminization, but a feministization of people’s perspectives, so that even the most hardline conservatives now think and talk like 1980s feminists. The language of the western world in the twenty-first century is essentially the language of Germaine Greer and Gloria Steinem. I hear those two even in the words spoken by today’s Christians. Those bitter women who called you a misogynist are so addicted to the camaraderie of fighting the fight that they desperately keep the flickering flame of activism alive long after all the battles and the war have been won. They’re kind of pathetic in their addiction to yesterday’s issues and conepts that were fresh and new 30 years ago but are just tired doctrine, dogma, cliches and tropes today. And I suspect that, deep down, their real motivation for being “feminists” today is the belonging, camaraderie and community they get from being involved in a political cause. Many people get involved in issues purely in order to have some place to belong and feel welcome. You know very well how many people belong to a congregation and attend church for exactly that reason, as well. So the major tragedy of today’s “feminists” is that they know themselves so little, and seek what they truly want in the wrong place.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Of course your words are welcome 🙂 You make a good point about being addicted to the camaraderie and fighting to keep the flames of activism alive. Also, feelings of persecution, victimization, tend to have an addictive quality to them.
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Jack Curtis said:
A keen update on an eternal subject …and full of fun, a wise choice over tears. “Man, proud man …” was likely written with both halves in mind, right?
The internet seems a fair imitation of the human subconscious. Visitors to either take their chances, I suppose. By way of redemption, while both are full of guile and deceit, both are basically honest portraits of genus homo. (For those who wish to face that.)
Humanity seems its Creator’s comic relief, to me …and you’ve described a couple of the roles to perfection!
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insanitybytes22 said:
LOL, that’s an excellent way of putting it, the internet is a fair imitation of the human subconscious.
I suppose the human subconscious should really come with a warning, like, “Here be dragons! Beware, dark and scary places ahead! You will learn far more than you ever wanted to know about people!” 🙂
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Jack Curtis said:
Amen … Still, with a more lovable nature, would H. Sap still exist today? Dunno …
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Freedomborn ... Aussie Christian Focus said:
Thankfully not all men fit these descriptions , some realize that woman are not just human because they know when we have the Holy Spirit, that we are Super human, a Royal Priesthood, a Holy Nation ……. just as they are when Christ Jesus is within them too, yes it is True, we are one Spiritually, there is neither male or female but our roles are different, Men are to be in Authority and Leadership and we as woman are their Helpmates neither role is Superior or inferior.
Christian Love from us both – Anne
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insanitybytes22 said:
Thank you for your kind words and for your support.
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thewritingoflife said:
“Most of them would probably deny it, but they want communion with women, intimacy, to be seen, to be valued. They want companionship and conversation and trust and closeness. True love, romance, the stuff of dreams and fairytales. Many of them no longer believe in those things, believe they were lied to, tricked, deceived. Collateral damage in some sort of Divine comedy.
Seriously, it was painful to read and I grieve for many of them. Shattered illusions and broken hearts are not fun to look at.”
Rest assured your words have not fallen on deaf ears for this man. Every word in this post seriously resonates with me. I have had the ‘shattered illusions’ and broken heart since I was a teenage male being treated badly by most of my female classmates and teachers (even the male teachers treated the boys worse than the girls). To make a long story short, I renounced any possibility of marriage at the age of sixteen when it became painfully obvious to me that even ‘Christian’ marriages were combative and unhappy. I decided I would rather be lonely for the rest of my life than have someone else add to the shattered illusions and broken heart I had before I even hit adulthood.
Though this will no doubt make me extremely unpopular with most women, and even some men, I refuse to apologize for the fact that God made me to be a man. I refuse to accept suffering for atrocities against women I didn’t commit. If I am to suffer in this life and burn in hell in the next, it better be for crimes I committed. It better not be for anything I am perceived to have done just because I am a man.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Nobody should ever be made to feel as if they have to apologize for being the way God made them. That’s a crappy thing to try and do to someone.
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