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So down the rabbit hole, through the looking glass and off to the mad hatter’s tea party I go. Why you ask? As usual, I’m trying to solve a riddle. It totally puzzles me that some people are horrified, indeed, even personally offended by the thought of wives ever submitting to their husbands. Submission that is, at least in the Western world, completely VOLUNTARY and consensual. In the West, women have the right to choose who they marry, to consent to marry, and if they don’t like that marriage, to walk away with back up from the State. In fact, the State is often so biased against men, we have the ability to completely annihilate a husband in a divorce case.

Oddly, these same people seem to see nothing wrong with MANDATORY, forced, submission to the State. That apparently, is not oppressive or dehumanizing. See, the State only makes rules for our own good, therefore all the State rules are good, therefore we’re not actually submitting. Ai yi yi, this is one rabbit hole that is so small, it actually requires a rectal cranial inversion just to pass through. In case I haven’t stated it a zillion times, there is a concerted effort to replace natural family bonds with State power and some of us are not very happy about it.

Okay, never mind the impertinence of the question often asked of Christian women, “do you submit?” Never mind the invasive nature of that question, the disrespect for privacy, the politicizing of a personal issue that really has nothing to do with racism, sexism, or the price of tea in China. I want to address this from a completely secular perspective, one involving biology.

Women, yes, even secular, atheist women, submit to a myriad of things everyday. Traffic signals, taxes, the laws of physics. Submission is a part of life. It simply means to yield, often to the authority or power of another. Women submit when they go to lunch with girl friends. If somebody doesn’t submit, you’d still be in the car arguing over the details. Submitting in personal relationships is simply yielding, compromising, accommodating the will of another. The antonyms for submit are to fight, resist, battle, thwart, defy. The opposite of submission is a battle stance. In a battle stance, there are only two options, fight or flight.

When it comes to interpersonal relationships between men and women, if you wish to have a pleasant time of it, a battle stance might be a fun bit of role play, but it is not a good way to deal with day to day living in real life. Ironically, it’s a really sexist idea. Take away the thin veneer of civilization and what you are really asking of women when you demand they never submit, is that they do battle with men, except as smaller, weaker, less skilled opponents. Never mind the various tangos and power plays that men and women sometimes dance, the bottom line here is that we are talking about love not war. If a woman goes into a relationship in a serious battle stance, something is already all wrong with the whole picture.

See, there really is this thing called biology and it can be extremely inconvenient and annoying, but the fact is, we are biological units that respond to certain signals with chemicals in our brains. Men and women are wired a little differently. Women tend to operate a bit more cooperatively and when threatened and forced to choose between fight or flight, we tend to go for flight. We run for back up. We rally the troops. When men are threatened they have a tendency to fight back immediately. When women constantly challenge them, hopefully that code of honor that prevents them from harming women kicks in, but it is an incredible drain on a man and on a relationship to do that. They must constantly over ride their biological urge to defend themselves and balance it against their other biological urge, to protect women. When women don’t submit, we’re yanking their biological chain. It’s kind of mean.

Any woman with half a brain who wishes to have a relationship with a man will learn how to submit. Not out of fear, not because it’s mandatory, not to subject themselves to tyrants, but because we know if you can sneak in under a man’s defense mechanism, he’ll rope the moon and the stars for you.

One final note on domestic violence. If you are a woman in harms way, get out and seek help. Ironically, SUBMIT to the fact that you have lost the battle. So many women stay in dangerous relationships, not because they are submissive, but because they think they can still win.  Admit defeat and live to tell the tale, you’re worth it.

Men are frequently abused, too. Don’t stay and put up with it. Ironically, the more you submit to a violent woman, the more she’ll escalate. That’s biology, too.

Love people, the moon and the stars and biology. Done well it’s a beautiful thing.